My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Crazy

I have to leave for work in 15 minutes.
The glam routine is finished.
I straightened my hair but shouldn't have because it's frizzing like crazy.
I am in a bad cycle of being in too much pain to sleep and being in pain because I can't sleep.
Some of you will *get* that and some will think I'm crazy.
Twice in five sentences I've used the word crazy. No relation.
Well, I suppose some of my relations are crazy.
All of my relationships have been, that's for sure.
My friend Amy aka Vicky Lynn has lost a bunch of weight and looks so hot that her husband went shopping with her.
She's awesome and I miss her like crazy. Crazy.
Oscar the dog just crawled in beside me.
That's a time suck because he's got to get positioned *just right* before he settles down...
And then there's that whole process of reassuring Trouble that he is still my boy and that I love him, even though there's a dog beside me.
Oh! Good. Oscar decided to make a nest out of my covers.
And... nope. He's back beside me, snout under my fingers while I type.
I'm just *this side* of grumpy.
I'm just worn out in a way that it's impossible to understand.
Yesterday I took a life insurance sales class (I hate those but I do as I'm told) and I was given *homework* of calling 48 people a day for the three days (at that point) that I work this week.
Well, to be precise, we were given six pages with 24 names per page to work before our next class next Tuesday.
I reminded our instructor (who is not my direct supervisor, manager, agent, etc) that I am part-time.
Her advice was that I use my time away from the office (off payroll) to take care of things that I don't have time to do at work.
Totally sent me into a panic attack.
It was that *one more thing* that pushed me over the cliff.
I love my job. I'm good at it, I really am. Ask anybody that works there.
But for an outside person who doesn't have a clue what my work load is (about the same as a full time person) to put demands on my time away from work and off the payroll...
When I already have to figure out when I'm going to do my continuing ed that has to be done and paid for asap.
Plus handle the additional logistics of Austin doing... who knows what he's going to do?
But whatever it is, he needs help and I'm his mother, you do the math.
I'm not in the stage of life where I'm building a career.
I'm in the stage of life where I praise God for every day that I manage to drag myself to work and spend five hours not letting anyone know how badly I hurt and how exhausted I am.
I answer the phone with a smile and a great attitude, every. single. time.
Ask anybody.
If I can work another two years, I'll be so grateful.
But what I'm doing is all I can do.
Most days I'm too tired to eat.
And too tired to sleep, which I know sounds crazy.
Back to crazy.
And out of time.
I've tried to not have any Whiny Wednesdays lately but here I am... whining again.
Forgive me Lord.
Heading out the door to grab a pumpkin spice latte and the artificial pleasure that brings.
Love and hugs, y'all.

2 comments:

Lea said...

I have had times when I am too tired to sleep, I am praying for rest for you, though...Glad your son is with you currently. I know the feeling about not having time to do everything you need to for work, I pray for reasonable expectations from "higher ups" for you, as a part-time employee!!

Fabulous at 44! said...

I hope I misunderstood what you were saying - the instructor was not seriously telling you to work off the clock???? They could get in soooo much trouble for that!