My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Sunday, March 15, 2009

it aint fixed but it's working...

My crazy, temperamental laptop has been working this afternoon. I will have to get Austin to take a picture of the insane yoga contortionist pose I have to be in to push the power cord against my leg at just the perfect angle to allow the durn thing to work... but I've had about two hours online this afternoon... more than I've had in the whole last week put together!

No word from Barry over the past week... the more things change, the more they stay the same! Ha! This is exactly how things were with us three years ago when he said, "You should date other people..." And I did... and married MJD... and had my life turned topsy turvy... full of drama while Barry's essentially stayed the same. So he came and spent a great day with me and then... nothing. But, you know, I'm fine with it. It is what it is... we've had a very stable relationship with very little drama but the underlying reason is probably because he never changes, know what I mean? I have enjoyed his company over the years, I know that if I ever need him, he's a great big solid muscular shoulder *hubba hubba* to lean on... and I know that the beauty of our relationship is in the fact that he is who he is.

I guess the secret to happiness is accepting the people in your life for who they are, right? And not being surprised when people do exactly what they've always done... Michael used to have this saying about a scorpion being a scorpion... based on the story below...

The story is about a scorpion asking a frog to carry him across a river. The frog is afraid of being stung, but the scorpion reassures him that if it stung the frog, the frog would sink and the scorpion would drown as well. The frog then agrees; nevertheless, in mid-river, the scorpion stings him, dooming the two of them. When asked why, the scorpion explains, "I'm a scorpion; it's my nature."

Which actually... was fairly prophetic for me, wasn't it?

I've been in sort of a place of quiet introspection with my lack of internet access. In a way, I've been lonely...no, that's not true... I've been purposely spending some time alone but I haven't been lonely. I've been talking with a friend quite a bit... I haven't talked to Dean in a week or so. I know he thinks I'm a horrible BFF... I just have needed a break from the intensity of the situation. My life is just not about Michael any more. Not at all. I pray for him daily. I wish him well. I hope that he will file for divorce soon as I really can't afford to (ok, replace my laptop or get a divorce...hmmmm? which would you choose?) I just needed a little time to not have to think about what Michael or Andrea are or are not doing. There was something about being with Barry last weekend that gave me closure... I mean, closure has come in increments along the pathway... there are lots of little red letter moments for me... but seeing Barry... curling up beside him in a way that I haven't done since the day I met Michael... literally, the last time Barry and I were together was the Tuesday before my first date with Michael on Saturday... it was like a time warp... almost like being married to Michael never happened.

And yet I will say that if all of that had to happen for my life to be what it is now, it was worth it. Worth every bit of it.

I brought the girls some bubble gum for their surprise today. I give them lots of surprises but they're usually only little dollar store treats. Jamie asked for gum last night when I picked Austin up from church so I stopped this morning on the way to church and bought gum... and when I saw Jamie after church she said, "do you have gum?" I told her I did... she said, "do you have some for my sister too?" Awwww... such sweet sisters!

I spent yesterday being totally lazy and watching movies. I watched Knocked Up Friday night and yesterday I watched From Here to Eternity. I had never seen either. I read a few magazines. I napped. It was heaven! My kitchen floor didn't get mopped and the laundry didn't get folded and you know what? The world did not come to an end!

Time to get ready for church... Austin needs to be there in twenty minutes... leave me comments, I can access the blog from work even though I can't get on facebook from there... miss y'all! Love and hugs!

6 comments:

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

I'm glad you are keeping that positive attitude and that the laptop worked for you. Hopefully you can get it fixed soon.

Lisa said...

You are a wise lady to recognize the qualities of others and accept those that are not able to be changed and accept the goodness in the situation!! So glad your laptop is working!! Sounds like it is a lot of fun to get it going... I have somehow disabled mine and must fix it... lost the modem or reassigned it to a non existent modem LOL. Ugh computers, right?! Have a great week ahead!
Lisa in KY

Mary said...

You'll have to tell us how Austin did on his fast if you are able. Have a good week!
Ly,
Mary

JennBand08 said...

Happy to hear from you! As always.. How did Austin's fasting go? Auntie who always has gum.. remember that Friends epidsode? Your nieces are so sweet, I love little updates on them. Are they back in their house yet? Hope you get your cord fixed or it stays working for you...
Jenn

Tina said...

my personal experience is that closure isn't something you can seek. It is just something that happens by living your life and moving on. It is as though one day, you realize you have attained closure. and you don't even realize when it happened. It just did.
Have a great week
tina

LYN said...

MY POSITIVE ATTITUDE IS HELPING ME OUT THESE DAYS...SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO LET IT ALL GO...
HAVE A GREAT DAY AT WORK TODAY..I CAN READ BLOGS FROM WORK TOO~~~ ;-)