My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

spring time in the mountains!

Spring has come to the mountains. I'll post pictures whenever I can....

On Sunday the trees were bare and on Monday everything was in full bloom. It's like one of those movies where you note the passing of time by the trees… golden and orange and fiery red when I first arrived… then the cold bare branches in the winter… and now everything in beautiful pale pinks and purples and white…

It's like life is starting again. Especially mine.

I met Michael in the spring. Our first date was on April Fools Day (that'll teach me, right?). Our first month together was a kaleidescope of places… walking on the nature trail… Stone Mountain… the baseball fields where our kids played… Boston… all in the beautiful fresh spring air. Everything is fresh and new viewed through eyes that are falling in love.
I left Michael at the end of a long hot summer. Fall had not yet even thought about coming to Jacksonville when I left. Fall was just beginning when I arrived here Helen. My first weeks here were cloaked in the kind of fall scenery you can only enjoy in the mountains. It was as if God was saying, "I'm giving you beauty for ashes". The dust of that old pain for the splendor of new hope. Even as the leaves died and fell off the trees, the beauty of the mountains spoke to my heart… reminding me that God is powerful. Eternal. Able to set mountains in place and able to carry me over mountains, even those of my own making.

I'm missing having my usual access to cyberspace but I'm also breaking some bad habits by not spending every evening tethered to it. It's good to spend time with the three dimensional people. It's good to read. To actually talk to my son. To talk on the phone.

Sunday was the first day that my computer usage was really hampered and I spent half the day in church and half the day with Barry. Barry and I did what we always used to do - watched tv. It's a cheap date but it was comforting to have some of that old normal back in my life. He was a great comfort to me. In some ways he was hurt that I started dating Michael at all. Not that he had any claims on me… he certainly wasn't making a move toward permanence. It hurt him that I didn't really contact him while I was with Michael. It just seemed inappropriate. But underneath it all, he was my friend and he missed our friendship. So did I. I missed a lot of people. I've been blessed to be able to reconnect with a lot of friends and have made a lot of new friends in the process. Life is good.

Today I had lunch at a little chain mexican restaurant, El Jinete, up here in Hooterville. There was another El Jinete near our house in Woodstock. Michael took us out to dinner there the night that he showed me the house he intended for us to move into. It was such an exciting time… of course, the kids were fighting like cats and dogs throughout the whole process… I just remember rushing through that big empty house and being in complete awe that it was going to be where I lived. It was a beautiful home… but somehow the beauty of the structure couldn't undo the ugliness of the hurts that happened there. Same for the beach in Jacksonville. Where the mountains have helped and healed me, the beach felt like a hot, messy, scattered wasteland. The ocean reminded me of the huge barrier between myself and God. Between myself and the people I love. Between myself and happiness. Ultimately, though, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Being here has made me grateful for the simple things… like curling up with an old friend to watch tv.

I think I have someone who can repair my laptop, hopefully inexpensively. It's a friend of my brother's.

Tonight I'm having dinner with my friend Natalie. She's the one I talked about back in January - her husband committed suicide three years ago. I post a lot of pictures of her daughter, Jorjanne, as she is Sarabeth's best friend. I don't think Natalie and I have ever had the chance to speak two sentences in a row. We're always at church or at birthday parties or somewhere where there are a lot of people and EVERYbody wants to talk to Natalie. I'm excited to have her all to myself for a whole meal! Jorjanne will be at gymnastics and Austin will be home.

Tomorrow the teenagers at our church are starting a fast for world hunger and Austin is participating. They're fasting for 30 hours… I'm not quite sure how well austin will do with that… but they'll be involved in a lot of activities to keep them occupied. We'll have a worship service Friday night at 7pm and Saturday morning at 9am. I'm planning to go to both. It can't hurt, right? I told Sarabeth she could sit with me in worship service and we'd color with my sharpie markers. She said, "Does that mean I can't eat either?" I said… "Oh no, honey… you and Aunt Heather are gonna eat!".

Even though we're not missing meals… spending the weekend in church three times (counting Sunday morning) and away from the computer for the most part… should be good cleansing for me. I've been working on avoiding bitterness and bad memories over the past two weeks… really focusing on forgiveness, not just for others but also for myself. I've been enjoying the life that I have here without regret. Did I mention that life is good?

There's someone new in my life - not a "boyfriend" or even a dating interest… just a new friend who has struggled himself and has found his way. He's a great source of encouragement for me and we've spent many, many hours on the phone in the past week or two. It's good stuff….
So that's the haps for now… once the laptop is working or replaced I'll be more consistent with reading and writing blogs but for now… just know that it's all good. Love and hugs, y'all!

9 comments:

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

I'm glad things are going well and that you have Spring! It's not in our frozen north yet. Hope the laptop can be repaired for you.

Big Mark 243 said...

Glad that you find yourself in a better frame of mind. Not to get all into your business, but is Barry your 'crunch and munch'?

You must of really loved being married. I hope you are able to find someone special, who can appreciate you.

Myra said...

I remember Bear from way back, and I think even then, there were circumstances that forbade the forging of a committed relationship. For one, he was Cody's coach, and any perception of impropriety would have caused tongues to wag! If nothing else, he is a friend on whom you can depend to always be there even if from a distance...the connection between hearts cannot be broken!

cw2smom said...

I hope you've had an excellent dinner with Natalie. I am sure you'll be fast friends. How nice that Spring is renewing your spirit and bringing happiness to you that is so deserved. It's great that your son has decided to join the fast. It's something I'd struggle to do myself. Blessings Dear Girl! Lisa

LYN said...

glad you're back!
sorry i didn't email you at work..by the time i read it the moment had passed...does that make sense??
have a beautiful weekend judy garland!!

Missie said...

Enjoy your weekened and spring time in the mountains.

Peaceful Epiphany said...

Heather,
In all of this...through all of this....just remember one thing...
YOU ARE A BLESSING.
Love and hugs,
Jen

Jeanne said...

I remember Barry from the "pre MJD" days. I know his friendship always meant alot to you and I am glad you have had the opportunity to reconnect.

JOHNSWORLD08 said...

Heather,
Im so glad I found your blog.So good to hear someone involved in Church. My Pastor just preached on Relationship not a Religion. That we should really get to know who God is. i Will be praying for Austin. 30 hour Fast thats alot. Im going to tell my youth about that one.Hang in there.Remember God has a plan for you. Stop by my blog when you get a chance. Put your blog on my blogger friends Id would like to follow yours
GOD BLESS YOU
JOHN