Of all the things I've lost, I think I miss my mind the most.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
This is a story about being lost. I've shared with you the story about my friend Jennifer's aunt who has been missing for two weeks. Just her, her car... gone. Cell phone and meds still at home. They've combed the area. The local police have searched. The GBI (Georgia Bureau of Investigation) has gotten involved. Still no Pat.
I hold things loosely. I kinda, in a way, hold people loosely. I can love and feel loved without having to have that person in my physical presence. That's why I have so many awesome friends who live a good distance from me. For that matter... I have friends ten minutes away that I haven't seen in months because of being hobbled with this back pain. Love knows no boundaries and is not limited by distance.
I have had few people who are close to me who have passed away but even those who have, I hold them closely still because I believe in an afterlife... they are not lost to me, in my mind, our ability to communicate may be temporarily suspended but I know I will see them again someday.
I've lost a marriage or two. I've lost two kids (so far) who left the nest (flew the coop?). I've lost contact, for the most part, with two of my four brothers. I've lost homes - at least in the sense of having to move when I might not really want to. I've lost a job. I've lost faith in people. I can't say that I've ever lost my faith in God... at times I've lost my ability to soldier on and keep moving forward in the face of adversity. There was a time I lost my will to live. I lost hope.
My friend from High School, Rhonda, lost her young cousin this week due to a heat stroke he suffered in football practice. In the name of football... in the effort to avoid losing games in the upcoming football season, something of far more value, a life, was lost.
Yesterday we realized our mailbox key was lost. It is a big hairy pain in the tukas because it takes practically an act of congress to get a new one and I've lost my patience for dealing with finding lost stuff. I've spent the past month determining what was lost and had to be replaced... and finding what was lost and just needed to be unpacked. So with the lost key, I lost my composure. It was just too much. There is an insurance check that is in that box that needs to go in my checking account and now... instead of happily depositing today... I've got to lose time off work... and lose more money... replacing the key.
Here's the thing about lost things.... if there is no one willing to go after what's lost, then it's value is diminished. If a friend wanders away and you don't go after them to regain/retain contact, a relationship is lost. When something or somebody is lost, somebody needs to try to find them. There must be a seeker.
Luke 19:10 - "For the Son of Man came to seek and to save that which was lost".
Ezekiel 34:12 - "As a shepherd looks after his scattered flock when he is with them, so will I look after my sheep. I will rescue them from all the places where they were scattered on a day of clouds and darkness.
Matthew 7:7 "Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you.
Evangelical Christians have a determination to save the lost. CNN recently did a story about "church words" or "Christian Lingo" so I don't want to lose you in the midst of this entry. This is what matters most...
Austin who I jokingly refer to as "Lostin" for his ability to disappear, says that he has never been lost because he always knows where he is. His autism prevents him from having empathy to the extent to understand that if his whereabouts are not known to those who love him, he is lost.
And I think sometimes we don't realize how lost we are... until we find ourselves in the arms of someone who was looking for us. I think I'm ok, I think I'm ten feet tall and bullet proof, until I go through something that forces me to return to my Father and then, I realize how lost I was and how good it feels to be found.
When our house caught fire I was a tearful mess. My eyes were swollen for two days afterwards, that's how much I cried... because I grieved what was lost. When I tried to end my life and I woke up in the hospital to find a half dozen people in the room... people who didn't want to lose me... I realized I had value.
This isn't a churchy term, this is plain language... are you lost and maybe you don't realize it? Are you like Austin... as long as you know where you are, that's all that matters... when maybe there is someone looking for you who values you more than you know?
That stupid key, it might never turn up. We've sorted through so many boxes and thrown away so many bags of trash and discarded so many boxes. It's still chaos in this nest. And that key... it's important enough to me for me to find it or replace it. It matters to us. And last night, when I was fuming and pouting about what might be lost to me... a friend that I haven't seen in 25 years messaged me with an offer to help... she couldn't physically come up here and search for the key... but she could stand in the gap for me financially until it is found.
Sometimes it takes more than one person to redeem what's lost. Yikes. Another church term. But... really... if something is lost and you can't afford to replace it... don't you need help? Insurance helps in a lot of circumstances, that's why I love what I do. But sometimes... the only insurance we have is the relationships that we have maintained over the years... the guarantee that someone will share your burden and come to your aid.
What have you lost? Do you need help finding it? More importantly... are you lost? Do you need someone to search for you?
My whiny wednesday complaint ... there is a lost key. Stay tuned for Thankful Thursday... I'm learning that the more I lose, the more I find.
love and hugs, y'all.
Posted by Heather at 4:28 AM