this week's episode of The Dating Game

I'm not sure what possessed me to start playing the dating game again right at the holidays when I'm already an emotional wreck. ARGH!

Red Flag Guy and I had really come to a pleasant agreement about the fact that we're better suited to be friends. And I was at peace with that... honestly, it was such a milestone for me to be able to say, "this ain't right" and end it there instead of pushing. Of course, I credit God for that. I just kept telling God to put the brakes on for me so that I couldn't keep trudging ahead if it wasn't meant to be.

But last night he told me that he's got a date today and it really bummed me out. He's a real prince of a guy so we chatted for awhile about my disappointment. I mean... he has an agenda and I have an agenda and never the twain shall meet. And he said some nice things about me... the kind of things that are meant to be encouraging but make you say, "IF I'M SUCH AN AMAZING WOMAN... WHY AM I STINKING SINGLE???" And I did say that, in a round about way.

And I'm talking to someone else, someone who seems to be a really nice, hard working guy... and there are a few other fish who have nibbled at the bait, so to speak... so RFG says, "see... there are a lot of men out there who want to be with you"... and I said, "I've never had a problem finding men who want to be with me... I have trouble finding men I want to be with". Or... more accurately... should be with.

At any rate... our conversation ended and about that time, Next Guy was getting off of work so we were able to chat for a bit. He's nice. A single dad with custody of his kids (to which Candice says, "can't you find a guy withOUT kids?") who has lived here his whole life (read: country) and seems to just be a simple, honest man. (who reads my blog, btw, so y'all say nice things about me in comments). We decided we'd go out next weekend and he stated his interest in me. That's always nice. But there are a few things that are sort of haunting me about him... a few standards that he has set for the women he dates that I don't meet. I didn't have the heart last night to tell him I don't meet those standards but I did email him this morning to tell him. No sense starting out with a deception.

This made me laugh... he said I seem normal. Dear friends and blog readers... if there is any adjective that would never be appropriate for me... it would be the word "normal". I am nowhere near. I'm not psycho. I don't do drugs. I get up most days and go to work and do the things I'm supposed to do (other than put away laundry, maybe). I am an ok mommy and a really good aunt and I suppose I get a few things right along the course of my day but normal... Not even close.

Anyways... I think once Next Guy sees behind the curtain... he'll be another Last Guy.

Happy Thanksgiving, y'all.

And there was this other guy that popped up last week... well, he only popped up LAST week because he had popped up a few months ago when I was nowhere near ready for this opposite sex socialization program that I seem to have entered into here of late. So... I sent him a little, "hey... I'm wading into the waters and I think we have a few things in common" note. Boy howdy did we ever! So much in common that he's friends with my brother and even took their Christmas card photos a few years ago, which is ironic because I took their Christmas card photo two years ago. But... Stuff in Common Guy has met a Lovely Lady since he had attempted to reach me and they believe they will live... you guessed it... happily ever after.

Moral of the story: Heather's timing stinks but God's timing never does. Apparently SICG and LL were meant to be together and God made a way for them and prevented me from tripping up their path.

Other moral of the story: This ain't an easy process. I guess I'm fortunate in that I've developed a discerning spirit... I have a huge capacity for honesty, even when it bites me in the butt... as it often does. I'm fairly easy on the eyes... or so I'm told. I know I'm decent looking. I try to not be vain about it and honestly, it hasn't gotten me anything but heartache so far in this world so I don't place a lot of stock in my looks but they do get me in the door, at least. Although... I don't know if those are doors I want to go through.

I went for a walk in the park this morning. I just needed to clear the fog from my brain... and I figured I'd kill two birds with one stone. I did a lot of my usual whining before the Lord but I also listened a lot too. He reminded me to not get ahead of myself... to see these disappointments as His hand of protection reaching out to steer me away from any future heartache. That's my deal with God... if I let Him have my heart and let Him give it away, He'll keep me from giving it to someone who won't treasure it. Mild disappointment now vs. major heartache later is preferred. The process ain't fun... but it's still better.

Of course... now I'm wondering if I'll be able to spend time with Barry while I'm down for Thanksgiving. Not bloody likely. Those logistics never seem to work out.

I walked a mile and a quarter. It's no marathon, but it was a start. My goal for this week is to have some extra activity every day because I plan to EAT on Thanksgiving without counting points. I know that I will have a gain on the scale next week and I'm preparing for not only the gain... but getting that gain off. I'd like to be in the 170's by January 1st.

Money is tight... but I'm told i'll get a little child support today. I had a super thrifty grocery store run yesterday - $44 total - including buying the stuff to make deviled eggs for Thanksgiving. I bought cereal and bananas for our breakfast... pinto beans - having rice and beans for my lunches. Stuff to make vegetable soup - and I had a lot of stuff in the pantry that I could toss in. A few fresh veggies to dip in my homemade hummus that I made last night (which was awesome, more about that in a minute). And Austin's usual hot dogs and hamburgers. That was really empowering to be able to put together food for (almost) a week that cheaply.

The hummus... it was amazing! I used northern beans instead of chickpeas... mushed them in the food processor with a tablespoon of tahini, lemon juice, olive oil, rosemary, garlic and red pepper flakes. That stuff was so good... I had hummus and crackers for dinner last night. I meant to have soup or something else in addition but I was so busy with the Dating Game that I forgot to eat.

Plans for today... finish my weekend retreat. There are a lot of good movies on TCM today. I just heard a little commercial on TCM - they show these old documentary type things - and they said "dieting is a matter of mind over platter". That cracked me up! I'm going to make that big pot of vegetable soup and ... rest, I guess.

Is it mean of me to hope that RFG and New Girl don't hit it off?

Happy Sunday, y'all.