Pollyanna on crack cracks up

Is it time for a pity party yet?

I'm just so exhausted and in so much pain and there is so. much. to. do. There is so much to do that only I can do and it makes me want to just curl up in bed and sleep for another ten hours.... despite having just slept ten.

Part of me justifies my frustration and fatigue and thinks, "well, I've been really strong through this process and have been Pollyanna on crack refusing to believe that it was going to be anything other than perfectly ok... it's time" for a good cry and a tantrum or two.

And part of me thinks that the devil is fighting to bring me down because Pollyanna on Crack made other people think that maybe there really is a God and maybe He really does like me and He might even like you too. (he definitely does)

I left my clean clothes and my vaseline in the car and I am afraid to go out and get it in the dark because I'm afraid of the creatures that wander the dark. Bears, namely.

My lips are absolutely raw and chapped because I haven't kept vaseline on them like I usually do and they hurt.

I want to get another hot bath in the huge soaking tub here at the cabin but not if I have to put dirty clothes back on. Defeats the purpose. And... as good as the tub feels... it is so hard to get out of it. I think I need one of those old people tubs that the mama from Little House on the Prairie sells.

And while I'm at it... can I get a hover round?

I'd love to use the hot tub here but with my dizzy spells it's not a good idea.

I would settle for a hot shower but we're out of shampoo here at the cabin and I can't remember/don't know yet if that is in one of the boxes back at the apartment. Otherwise, that goes on the list of things to do today - buy shampoo.

The ServPro people who delivered my stuff were amazing... I've never had a less physically demanding move. (was it only four years ago that I was schlepping things up three flights of stairs in the late summer heat in Jacksonville?) (and, God rest his soul, it was only four years ago that Tim Darby was driving the moving van with my car on a trailer to get the rest of our stuff here... and now Tim's gone.)

The only problem with ServPro was that there were four (five?) of them and they worked so fast and efficiently that it was impossible for me to just sit... I was walking back and forth from room to room giving directions.

And while it may have seemed like a great idea to have ServPro and the satellite guy come at the same time. Oy vey. That was a whole lot that needed my attention at the same time.

We ended up having to upgrade our satellite service because we weren't able to put the old kind of satellite back up where we are... because we're kind of in a valley... so we had to get the HD service (lol... that's one of the reasons I haven't changed my name.. I love that my initials are HD!) and honestly... since Austin's CONSOLE TV (yes, it was that old) has to be replaced, it's likely that we'll get him a HD because that's about all that's out there. Anyways... the unexpected benefit is my old tv that I LOOOOVE... has a much better picture with the upgraded satellite.

Of course... being in a valley... my cellphone doesn't pick up there either... and the internet that would have been free doesn't work down in my little cozy place and I've now got to get our old internet service back and that means... who knows how long it will be before that's set up. They probably want more money too. The satellite people did. "Can you pay your one time upgrade fee of $50 today?" "No." They did it anyway but i had to give them my credit card to guarantee a future payment.

And instead of this process taking a couple of hours... it took a couple more hours... and i didn't get to go back to the office and couldn't even get a cell signal to call... or an internet connection to email...

A very sweet lady from my church came and brought three teens with her to organize my kitchen and it looks awesome and is ready for me to just get in there and start cooking. Everybody knows you have to have your kitchen unpacked first... mine is and it looks great.

We even found the old scrapbook that I made back when my babies were babies that we thought was lost forever in the moves to Jacksonville and back. That scrapbook is precious, especially with the photos that we lost due to the fire.

Now I just need about three (or ten) more crews like that to come and unpack and move the rest of the boxes. And hang pictures. Austin started unpacking and Austin is anything BUT methodical and organized so I was having to go behind Austin and while *thanking him* for his desire to get things in order... gently remind him that we had to do it in an organized manner. Actually, I think my words were, "OMG AUSTIN STOP"... but... I later explained my frustration. He is anxious to get his nest in order too.

We both just so very much want our life to get back to normal, whatever our new normal is.

We really enjoyed being back together. My Auggie Doodle is my buddy. We picked up something to grill for dinner since the cabin has a gas grill (and we don't). I just realized that the leftover burgers never made it into the refrigerator last night. Ugh. Today we plan to grill again.. and then tomorrow when Ryan and Sara come up we're going to grill bbq chicken and corn. Can't wait to see my BooBoo...it's been almost a year.

I think I've decided that today Austin and I are going to go to the apartment this morning, check on the fur babies, come up with a plan for getting things in order and... go get a Starbucks. Then we can hit the furniture store to see what kind of deal we can work out with a short term credit plan.

I'm going to limit my expectations on myself. It's ok if there are boxes. It will come together.

Ultimately... it doesn't matter how cute and neat our apartment is, if I'm not physically able to work, we won't be able to pay for it. I've got to rest this weekend and I really need to take advantage of this awesome cabin.

I don't think I've ever felt the weight of responsibility as a single mom as strong as I have these past two weeks... and the weight of that responsibility on top of my decreasing ability to do pretty much anything... it's scary, y'all.

My power cord for my computer shouldn't be working... it's all bent and fried... but God is doing a miracle like the oil lasting for eight days. If I hold it just right... it charges... and since I have a brand new battery, it holds a charge well. Mama and Daddy were going to pick one up for me while they were up here yesterday but they didn't realize you can't buy things like that HERE. You have to go back into civilization... so they're going to order one online and send it to me. Maybe the new power cord will coincide with the internet working at the new nest and I'll be wasting hours playing farmville again very soon.

Our neighbors are great. The handy man guy is a hoot... long grey ponytail... his wife is equally funny and friendly. Yesterday the owner of the complex and handy man's wife (I'm still weak on names here) were making butter (yes, butter...) and you could hear them bickering back and forth in a friendly way. Handy Man said they were two old hens pecking at each other.

The owner (her name is Sue) came down to welcome me...and asked me to talk to the neighbors at our community picnic next Sunday about Renters Insurance. She hugged me and told me how happy they are to have us there.

Handy Man is very involved in looking after the property. He said to holler if we needed anything and I said, "I probably should get your number" he said, "no, literally, just holler... " That made me laugh. He also pointed to the little splash pool that the neighbors kids have and said that was the community pool but to remember there is no lifeguard on duty. Ha.

I just remembered that I need to go back to the Cleveland Post Office today to pick up the mail they were holding for me. And pick up the prescription that wasn't ready the other day when I went to the doctor.

I went to the Sautee Nacoochee post office yesterday and if it had not been raining I would have taken a picture for you... across the street is a cow pasture. We were small town before but we were "in town". We are in the country for real now.

Details. So many details. I haven't gotten our trash service lined up yet either. Still have to work on the washer and dryer. Need to make a big grocery run to restock and replace.

The sun is coming up. After highs in the high nineties a few days ago, today we're expecting a high of 81. That helps. I'm going to brave the wilds and head to the car to find my clothes, vaseline, the coffee and... do what I can while I can.

Hugs and prayers, y'all.