thankful thursday

If I can allow myself a big ole whiny Wednesday pity party... I need to get over myself enough to have a Thankful Thursday. And sadly... sometimes it's in observing the pain of others that we realize how blessed we really are. I don't WANT there to be anyone who has it worse than me. I don't seek to find others who are suffering but I thank God for how blessed we really are and sometimes it takes getting over yourself long enough to look around... and see the suffering in this world to realize it's not that bad after all.

We are here. We are not quite settled but we are here. And unlike our last move, there is money coming that will help us get the things we need - and help us replace some of the things we just enjoyed. That first claims check will be here very soon... I'm thinking Monday although I'd be tickled pink if it came before the weekend. But it is coming. Help is on the way.

A sweet Christian friend brought this amazing lasagna for us on Tuesday. It fed Austin for four meals, me for one. This is significant because I haven't had the resources (money/time/energy) to do a grocery run. Our new neighbor gave Austin bologna, cheese, fritos, mayo and mustard for lunch. Another lovely Christian lady is bringing dinner tonight. It makes all the difference in the world for us.

I'm just running on fumes at this point... I'm so sick and tired I can barely make myself eat. Austin, bless his sweet heart, brought me a bologna sandwich at ten pm last night because I was finally over the nausea and dizziness that had haunted me all day. I can't think straight. I just feel absolutely drained. I needed to stay at work but it took every ounce of strength I had.

I missed two calls from the doctors office and one call from the cardiologist yesterday. When I was finally able to talk to the nurse that I don't like, she said that my echocardiogram was normal and was about to hang up when I said, "why I am so dizzy?" The nurse suggested I make an appointment and come in to discuss it with the doctor. I hung up and almost cried. I have an appointment with the pain doctor in August. I'll see if he can figure it out. In the meantime... who do I have to see to get my quality of life back?

Our handy man, Maury, and his wife Ellen came down yesterday afternoon and fixed our hot water heater. The breaker had gone bad. We had a good time chatting with them... they were late in life parents - they are my parents' age but have a 16 year old daughter. Ellen is organizing the community picnic on Sunday. Y'all KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE those kind of overwhelming social things... but... my job is to talk to the community about renters insurance... so no matter how hot it is, no matter how bad my back hurts, we gotta tough it out and go. I'm taking fruit.

I have a friend who has to move because of a divorce. Upteen years of marriage... the guy moves out and the wife, who is not in great physical condition... gets stuck with packing up the whole house. I have been there. Robert left me to deal with everything. Our friend Scott had stuff at the house too and I was stuck with packing and moving his stuff. Essentially, I ended up just leaving a lot of their stuff. I look around at the boxes - aka kitty castles - in every room and it's easy to get frustrated BUT... when you get right down to it, we really have only books and clothes to put away. There are a lot of boxes already emptied that Austin has promised he'll break down for me today so that we can find someone to haul them to the dump for us.

I have a high school friend who lost her 17 year old daughter yesterday. That snapped me into a place of perspective. I mean... I'm replacing pillows and shower curtains and some 29 year old cheerleading uniforms... a room full of furniture, none of it precious... but I still get to come home from work every day to my goofy 17 year old nestling. When I pulled up yesterday afternoon he was hanging out with the neighbors... all standing around chatting... it made me smile.

Work is painful... difficult with the dizziness... exhausting because of the fatigue I can't conquer... but it is a job. I have a job. How many people are out of work, unable to come up with the energy and enthusiasm to apply for a job and risk rejection again? God keeps giving me the strength to do that which I cannot possibly imagine doing.

The weird thing about the dizziness... if I take a big deep breath, the dizziness eases up. Any medical professionals out there have a diagnosis for that? Is it maybe because of the COPD? My lungs are kinda junky - I don't have a massive cough but I have a little irritating trickle and I have been running fevers off and on.

I'll try to post some pictures of the nest later. I was kinda waiting for it to get all dolled up and decorated first... curtains and pictures hung... it's home... boxes and boxes of home!

So maybe this ended up being a little bit of whiny Wednesday leftovers mixed in with my Thankful Thursday... at any rate... I hope, no matter what you're facing today that you'll find a few things to be thankful for... and I hope that you'll pray for those who have less to be thankful for than you do... love and hugs, y'all.