Reasons to Love Monday - You Can't Quit DISH

Our first Monday back in the homestead and it's been a decent day, for a transition day.

I called to disconnect the internet service. No problem.
I called to disconnect the power. No problem.
I called to disconnect the DISH satellite. "That will be a $130 fee for early termination of your two year contract."

Wait... first she said, "I see that you've been with us for almost four years, Mrs. Darby" (I hate that name but it's still my legal name) "what can we do to help you today?"
"I'd like to have my satellite service disconnected" (my words are in bold)
"May we ask the reason for this request?" I worked in customer service... that's a "retention strategy".
"I've moved and the location where I've moved has a different provider."
"We would be happy to move your service to your new location"
"I've moved in with family members and they are not interested in changing providers."
"Ok. That will be a $130 charge for early termination of your two year contract."
"You just thanked me for four years..."
"Yes, but you had a change of address last year"
"because my house caught fire and we had to move"
"it is still considered a new contract at the new address"
"so if I moved the service here, I'd be obligated to another two year contract?"
"Yes."
"ok. I'd like to cancel my service"
"I could sign you up for our lowest price point to allow you to carry out the remainder of your contract"
"how much would that cost me?"
"$15 a month for the next 13 months"
"Wouldn't that be more than $130?" I love using logic against someone who isn't.
"Yes."
"Ok. I will not be interested in paying you MORE to still not have satellite service"
"We could offer to allow you to *pause* your service for $5 a month"
"I'm not interested in re-starting my service with you in the future"
"I could waive the $5 *pause fee* for the next six months for you but you will need to contact us at the end of that six month period"
"Again... that will involve me paying you for service that I do not wish to have now or in the future and it will obligate me to contact you again in six months"
"Yes, yes it would. How would you like to handle your fee of $130?"
"I would not like to pay it."
"We will bill you and if you don't make that payment within the next thirty days, we will charge your credit card for this amount plus a service fee"
I think it's easier to get out of the Mafia.
"So you're telling me that I need to advise my bank not to process any charges from your company?"
"I'm not able to advise you on that, I just wanted to make you aware that your contract entitled us to this fee"
"So, how do I return my receiver?"
"If you will give me your new address, I will send you a box and a label to use"
"Is it postage paid?"
"No, there is a $17 fee for returning the equipment"
"In addition to the $130?"
"Yes."
"What about the deposit I made when I started my service?"
"That is not applied to an early termination fee or an equipment return fee"
"What is it applied to?"
*crickets*
"What happens if someone dies before their contract is completed?"
She said... "we require a copy of a death certificate in order to waive the early termination fee".

So... the next thing I have to do is close my bank account or figure out how to forge a death certificate.
I'm kidding. I have no intention of closing my bank account. Or the other thing.
There was more but you get the point. It's easier to get divorced than to stop satellite service.

Other than that... I rode with my mom to take my daughter-in-law to class. Marquee is taking one class this summer - Spanish. She is an English Major. Am I the only one who finds this odd?
And then my mom and I went to pick up the new cable boxes - one for my tv and one to upgrade the tv in my dad's room.
And then we went to pick up Marquee from class. Spanish class. For her degree in English.
Some blog entries just write themselves.

And now I'm back in the nest, watching the grey channel on my tv until Cody gets home from work and can hook up the cable box for me. It came with instructions but I've wasted all my brain cells today on things like trying to break up with the satellite company.