My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Monday, October 7, 2013

Life is What Happens In Spite of the Pain

 It has been one of those days where I feel so blessed to be living here in this place... in this space in time. I know there's a lot of hullaballo going on with our government. I believe it will get much much worse in our life times. I believe we'll look back on these as "good old days" at some point. It troubles me. Lots of things do. When will I get approved for disability? WILL I get approved? What do I do in the meantime? What happens if I get approved and *BAM* that social service disappears. You have to think about these things but you CAN'T think about these things all the time because you will rob today of it's joy in search of tomorrow's troubles.

TODAY I woke up in a fairly bothersome amount of pain. I have a pain that feels unrelated to my back pain(s). It's a sharp, tender pain in my left side, a few inches above my hip bone. Some days I swear it's diverticulitis because my mom has had diverticulitis and anything she can do, I can do better. Some times I think it's related to the ovarian cyst they found two years ago when they were trying to diagnose my back pain. Sometimes I'm certain that it's a hernia. An alien. Who knows these days? I just know that about once a week that pain hits me and it is beyond the reaches of any of the meds that help alleviate my back pain. It needs to be checked out but I have to have some kind of medical coverage in place first. Still working on it.

And by "still working on it" today I was in too much pain to even think about adding the aggravation of dealing with our FUBAR government. This afternoon I spent some quality time with my little red haired girls. And when I got home I was wiped out... completely worthless... in bed just after 8pm. That tired. Pain is exhausting.

I had pain all day but I also spent a lot of time admiring the lake... after the rain we had last night it seemed like everything was lit with sparkle lights this morning... every tree, the lake... just beautiful. I just stood there and breathed it in.

Sarabeth had to stay late for chorus this afternoon so I picked up Jamie and we hung out in the parking lot until sister's class was over (it was only about fifteen minutes). I made a cute little video of Jamie talking about her big sister - who will be 11 years old next Monday.

I was still in pain, in some ways it was much worse but to sit there with little Miss after her day at school... chatting about her day... just soaking up the precious soul that she is... and then adding big Miss into the mix after chorus... it makes it all worth it. I was going to hurt no matter where I was... to hurt in the midst of the little girls I love the most in this world... very, very ok.

When we got to their house we watched their videos from Camp Woodland and they reminisced. It's funny to see how much they've grown just since the Summer (and the Summer before)  It was so sweet that they wanted to share those memories with me... making sure they had my undivided attention... *fighting* over my attention... and then we put in the movie Tangled and Jamie curled up beside me. Sarabeth is not a cuddler but Jamie is. And I got to be a girl mommy for a few minutes... watching Disney princess movies.

I got back to the house and knew I didn't have it in me to make dinner. I stuck a frozen voila meal in the microwave. Not the healthiest but better than having just kitkats and ice cream for dinner.

The temperatures dropped fast when the sun went down. I had to switch to a long sleeve shirt and warm fuzzy socks to be comfortable. And I had to take some nyquil for this junk in my chest that is becoming problematic. And the combination of my usual knock out meds and the warm fuzzies and the nyquil made my bed all too appealing. I won't be awake much longer.

The boys are working on laying the carpet in the basement. I might be resettled back in my happy little Whine Cellar in the next day or two! I can't wait to curl up on my loveseat and look out onto the lake... that's my peaceful place.

Mom and I have to make a trip to Lowe's and a food shopping trip tomorrow. That's a lot of walking for one day and I'm praying that I'm feeling better than I did today. I need a break from pain to get a few things done. I just want to feel better.

Gonna hit the hay. Hope all is well. Love and hugs y'all.

1 comments:

45 and Fabulous! said...

I know you've already done the Lowe's and grocery run, but do you ride the electric carts when you shop the big stores like that? You should definitely consider it, it may help take some of the strain off your back if you don't have to walk so much while shopping.