Finding My Way

I'm sort of feeling a heightened sense of emotion today... partially because of pain, it's worn me down this week with the additional problems I've been having. There is a lot of fear involved with the increased pain - am I ok? Do I need to see a doctor? Is it worth the extra out of pocket expense? Or is this just something I have to push through. Am I being wise in delaying care? It's difficult to know what's best so I have been just following the cheapest, least invasive path and praying that God will sustain me.

I'm a bit overwhelmed by the additional responsibilities with opening Cedar Hollow up to family members for the holidays. It's a mixed blessing. It involves more work before and afterwards and it comes with a emotional high of having many loved ones in the same place... which is followed by grief that those folks are not part of our every day life. Why can't every day be Christmas? Because I'd die after about three consecutive Christmases. I'm overwhelmed with taking care of the old lady dogs because it's not something I do easily or usually but it's the one task that I could take over to ease the burden on my parents during their move.

I'm also a bit emotional at the fact that after tomorrow, our family home that I grew up in, that place, be it ever so humble, that has been home my entire life will no longer be home. Yes, the new home is much better. I love living here. I love this community (and pray that I will be strong enough to be a bigger part of it one day). I'm relieved that my parents will be in a safer place but worried that Cody no longer has Mawmaw and Pop living next door, taking care of him and Marquee.

Austin is emotional because he's having girl trouble. Not my story to tell so I won't elaborate. He's bummed enough that he asked if he could skip the overnight time with the dogs which means for me that I will have been taking care of the dogs from 8am Friday morning through whatever time the family gets here on Saturday afternoon + however long it takes for the truck to be unloaded + quite possibly overnight Saturday night so that my parents can go back to the Southside after they bring this load. Right now I'm either "on duty" for the next 16 hours or I'm on duty for the next 48 hours or somewhere in between. I'm hurting badly enough that I'm dizzy and nauseous but God is good and these dogs have been much, much easier to care for today.

A friend of mine posted this article: http://observer.com/2013/12/rabbi-shmuley-on-duck-dynasty-and-biblical-homophobia/ and my initial reaction was ... I'm just so weary of any difference in religious beliefs or spirituality or moral code being labeled "homophobic" or "hate speech". I wanted to send a private message to my friend and share my concerns with her - from a place of love, a place of "as a Jew, you know what it means to be persecuted for your religious beliefs". In order to have a logical/rational conversation with this very wise woman, I wanted to make sure I had done my research. Well... instead... this article really spoke to my heart and taught me a few things about the  Ten Commandments and sin. It's very well articulated and although I don't entirely subscribe to every single tenet of his article, I really came away from it feeling enlightened and feeling a sense of kinship - a place where we agree. I think on so many levels if we could just get past name calling and accusation, we may find that we're more alike that we thought. I would just encourage you to read this for yourself.

Today I was really standing in the need of prayer and I promise you, people were praying. I felt strength that I haven't had lately. I'm battling pain - more pain and more discomfort than usual but I found a few tricks that make things easier and I believe every bit of relief I've found today has been the result of answered prayer. May we all enter into 2014 with a hope and belief that prayer changes things. May we boldly ask and proudly acknowledge the Hand of God in our lives. May we seek to find common ground with those who are different. And for those we can't understand, for those whose lives are different from our own, may we first attempt to love them before we endeavor to change them.

I'm gonna lay down with a dog or two and the remote control. I pray that God will bless this blog and use it for His glory  - to grow us up as Christians, to make us better people, to search for good in people and understanding of ourselves.

Love and hugs, y'all.