Throwback/Thankful Thursday - Looking Back Ten Years

I want this body back. Not just this SIZE body but this CAPABLE body. I found these photos in my shutterfly account which I've had for about 12 years. I printed out a few photos of the babies to mail to my grandma (their great-great-grandma which still blows my mind!) and I discovered some of the photos that I thought had long since gone away. I'm hoping that since these are from 10+ years ago that it's

 not terribly narcissistic for me to post them here. A lot of you were around for this time of my life. It was a lot of work to lose this much weight (I think my largest loss was 80-something pounds in all) and get to my lowest adult weight. I was very careful with my diet and I walked - hard and fast enough that I worked up a sweat and got

 short of breath - almost every day. I did a lot of yoga and pilates. I also worked full time, sometimes had theatre jobs at the same time, raised three kids by myself (with my village) and my kids were BUSY. Sometimes my walking time was while I was waiting for Cody to finish baseball practice. Most days it was on my lunch hour at work.

A sweet old friend commented on my Facebook post that "I want that body back" that if she could do it, I could do it. I appreciate the encouragement. The truth is that I can't do it. I'm not being negative or pessimistic. Truthfully... sitting up for more than an hour at a time... walking... it all hurts so badly.

 When I push myself, I pay for it for days and days afterwards.  When I push, I further deteriorate my spine and accelerate the process of the disease. Even just lifting a grandbaby (which Austin tries so hard to keep me from doing and I just can't resist because...

They are just so sweet and cuddly!) it's painful but I know the day will come when I can't hold them any more. The truth is that sometimes there are changes to our body that are brought by time and

disease that don't have anything to do with will power or determination. Sometimes our bodies don't allow us to do the things we want to do. I'm so glad that I had that time in my life where I lost weight and felt

great and felt really in control of my body, even if there were so very many things that were out of my control. Sometimes aging gracefully means that you are grateful for what was, even if it can never be again. When I realized five years ago - nearly six years ago now! - that my backache wasn't just a backache, that it was something terribly wrong with the structure of my spine that was going to

dramatically change the rest of my life, I couldn't really wrap my mind around it. As things progress and the activities of daily living have become increasingly difficult it's so gradual that I almost don't notice. Yesterday I could do something and today I can't. At first I think... oh, that's just difficult today... but after awhile I accept that it's one more thing I can't do. Some things are things I can't do without pain at first and then become things I can't do at all.

Anyways... the point was... I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I'm just celebrating having been THAT girl in these pictures, all the places I went and the things I did... how hard I worked to be THAT girl.

I'm also celebrating being THIS girl, Cosy and Oliver's nana... Ryan, Cody and Austin's mom... Sara and Marquee's mother-in-law. I'm glad that I can spend a little money on my kids now because there was a time that I couldn't get the things we needed, much less the things we wanted. I'm proud of the family I created and the family that created me and how we have all worked together to "do life" even when life hasn't been easy. I raised a bunch of MacGyver men who can always figure out a way to get things done and I'm so grateful that I get to reap the benefit of who they all are today.

I'm proud that I've made it this far! I'm proud that even with the long list (and growing) of diagnosis that affect my spine and hips and shoulders and all other joints and... lungs... the auto-immune disease that is taking whatever strength the arthritis leaves for me... I'm proud that I wake up every morning and do things to keep my brain in gear. I'm proud that I participate in life, that I interact with people, even if sometimes (a lot of the time) it's mostly just folks online. There are definitely a lot of people whose paths cross mine every single day, right here from the comfort of my nest. I'm proud that I'm still writing even though the topic has changed. Tightening The Corset, the original blog and Tightening The Corset Again, the post AOL blog were both meant to be weight loss blogs but have evolved to more of a "lifestyle" blog about my life as an empty nester living with disability. I'm so grateful that good people, loving and kind people, people who have become friends just from reading... and people I have become closer friends with because they read... are all still here, even though I'm no longer blogging about and celebrating weight loss. I'm happy that I've drawn closer to family members by writing this blog. I started down one path all those years ago and was forced to make a few hard choices... but the people reading my blog are still encouraging me on each new path. I was meant to have THAT SEASON of life back then because there were people I needed to know, people who could support me and who I could support - then because we were losing weight - now because we are just doing life together. Having that BODY ten years ago makes so much of a difference on the life I have now. I may not still fit into those clothes... but I still have the same cheerleaders encouraging me to GO! GO! GO! even if GO! means - brush your hair and do something other than stare at the walls today.

I hope whatever form the internet takes when my grandbabies and great-grandbabies search for me online... I hope they see these pictures and say, "wow... Nana was beautiful". I definitely have photos of my mom and grandma that make me say that about them! And I really hope you enjoyed seeing these pictures of "TEN YEARS AGO HEATHER" since we talked about her recently. I have some other old photos that I'll be sprinkling in over the next few days. Let me know if you like them or if you prefer up to date photos.

One more thing and then I'll close. My brother Bryan's father-in-law writes a blog that I really enjoy reading. Mark's life is very different from mine but I think we share similar political leanings. He wrote a blog about Hillary's secret server and the evidence she was seeking to hide. He's looking to increase his readership and I think many of you would enjoy his blog. The link is HERE.

I started my Thursday in the doctors' office with Tasha, her mom and Cosy. Cosy wasn't feeling good yesterday. She hasn't been eating well. She was up all night with an upset tummy so her mom thought she should be checked out. I was taking Austin to work when Tasha texted to let us know they were on the way to the doctor so I grabbed us all a Starbucks and met them at the doctor's.... still in my pajamas. They think it's just a stomach bug and told Tasha what to watch for. She's still nursing even though she hasn't wanted much to eat so she's not dehydrated, despite having a LOT of poopy diapers. Cosy was so aggravated by the Nurse Practitioner checking her out that she called her "mean, mean"... which is the first time I've heard her say that and it was pretty funny!

Anyways... now I'm just enjoying Pajama Thursday... catching up on some YouTube videos and working on my family tree. We've almost made it through another week, y'all! Love and hugs!