I hit the wall. Not literally, of course. Not this time. I’m just worn out. It hasn’t been a bad day. It’s just that time of day that my brain becomes mush. I need a nap. We should really put a comfy couch in our sunroom here at the office. It would be a great place for a nap. Of course, I’ve also asked for a treadmill in there so we could have a “company fitness center”. Small businesses are great. Our place is an old house and we have a decent kitchen. I just almost always leave at lunch just to break up the day.

Tonight is Big Brother – at 9pm. So I’m going to have to stay awake long enough to see that… and it’ll get me all keyed up so I’ll be up late. Well. Late for me. Past ten.

I need to go to the grocery store and pick up some basics. Dishwashing detergent. Toilet paper. (I’m not completely out, but I’m on my last roll and I don’t want to have to improvise).

Payday is tomorrow. It’s a short paycheck for me but it won’t be as bad as it could be.

The doctor called this morning. The radiologist agrees that I have a collection of calcified lymph nodes, also referred to as granulomas. The radiologist said that if I was asymptomatic (meaning that I had no other symptoms) that it was ok to just monitor and recheck in a few months. If I had symptoms (such as cough, shortness of breath, whatever – the things I’ve had for 3-4 weeks) that it needed further review and recommended a CT scan. I don’t know yet how quickly that will be done. Again – I’m still not particularly worried about this. I can tell that something is *not quite right* but I don’t feel nearly as bad as I did last week. I’m not borrowing trouble. I have health insurance. I’ve met my deductible for the year. I’ve probably met my out of pocket level by now. It could be worse. I could be sick and not have the means to investigate.

I grabbed a handful of coins out of my broken piggy bank this morning and it was enough for breakfast and lunch. Breakfast was a fruit and yogurt parfait from McD’s. Lunch was a bean burrito from Taco Bell. The call from the doctor took up the time I would usually have gotten my food ready this morning. Bummer. But buying lunch with spare change made me feel like it was free. I seriously have not been eating much lately. I did have a pig out on Doritos session last night but it was completely accidental. Really. I don’t know how it happened. Eating is far too much trouble lately.

The cat was mad at me last night. I gave him canned food. I gave him fresh water. He has a semi-fresh litter box. I don’t know what his problem was. Perhaps he was complaining that I got home later than usual. He just kept whining. That “merrrrow” instead of purring. Can anyone else tell what mood their cat is by the way they meow or am I really becoming that crazy cat lady? Don’t answer that.

My friend A.T. – the one who rescued me from Jacksonville – is getting married next spring. She has been dating this guy for a very long time and it was just sort of going nowhere so they broke up and he realized how much he really loved her and had taken her for granted. She had a really bad relationship with a guy we went to high school with. It was such a high school drama and I had total flashbacks of her first love/first marriage/baby daddy and what all we went through with him. Bless her… we have definitely seen each other through some bad relationships! So the long time boyfriend really went out of his way to woo her back and they’re back together and totally planning to get married and I’m so happy for her. I missed her first wedding because I was pregnant with Cody and went into premature labor and was in the hospital on her wedding day – and I was a bridesmaid – and had the cutest dress! I told her that at least we knew we didn’t have to worry about that happening this time! I’ll never forget the labor and delivery nurse sticking her head into my hospital room and saying “I have a very upset bride on the phone”.

Anyways… tomorrow is my anniversary with Michael. I’m not sure how I’m going to feel about things. I’m hoping that it’s just another day… but I’m not sure I can be that blasé about it. I’m doing that whole self-talk thing where I remind myself that I’m where I need to be and that it was never meant to be with him and that despite the hurt that I grew so much as a person through that experience and it was worth it… I’m trying to not let it be a sad thing. It might be just like getting served with divorce papers – the anticipation far worse than the reality. Or it might knock me to my knees again. I don’t know. I’m trying to prepare myself for either. There might be some bitter posting tomorrow. I apologize in advance. Sometimes it still aggravates me.

Hope you all have a great evening… gotta finish up here at work… love and hugs!