Transparency.

Transparency. It's why you guys read my blog, isn't it? Ultimately... being able to know the whole story is ... whatever it is. Entertaining, maybe. Interesting, I guess. Maybe it makes you feel like your life isn't so bad after all. Maybe it gives you hope. Maybe you read just to see what crazy messes I've gotten myself into now.

My car just got repossessed.

I didn't have to blog about it. I don't know what I'm going to do about it. I don't know how I'll get to work tomorrow or the next day or the next day. I don't know how I'll get to the grocery store or church or... wherever or whatever. I don't know.

But God does. And I think... if I do nothing else right... it's that life of transparency that gives me credibility. It's sharing these ridiculous bottom of the pit experiences that make my top of the mountain stories that much sweeter.

I'm ok. I'm worried. Really worried... about how to solve this. I suspect that I'll probably have to pay the loan off to redeem the car... it's about six payments plus fees and penalties, etc. Around $2,000. I don't have that kind of money. Obviously.

My credit is horrible and my bank account is pitiful and I'm so tired of being broke. So tired. I catch one thing up at the expense of falling behind on something else. This wasn't what I signed up for. There is a lot of blame to go around... lots of people who put me here but ultimately, I have to figure out a way out.

I'm not depressed. I'm not about to jump off a bridge. Don't worry. I'm sad. I'm frustrated. Tired. I want to just go live in a cave somewhere. As long as that cave has internet.

So that's the story. I'll let you know what I figure out... I'm having to take the day off of work tomorrow because.... well... I have no way to get there. And because I have a lot of calls to make. A lot of figuring to do. And praying.

To be continued.