My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

crazy cat lady photos and thankful thursday

 Lots of love from my kitty 

he loves curling up in the nest

However, he also loves the warmth of the tv

 looking out at a squirrel. or bird. or other kitty. 


cuddling Austin in between rounds of wrestling

"you wanna piece of me?".

That's your weekly dose of crazy cat woman photos... now on to our blog entry....
"I hate to rain on your charade"... Dennis Miller.
He. cracks. me. UP! He speaks in puns... and I am fluent in that language. I'm better at understanding than I am at creating puns but still... love the pun.
I'm actually fairly fluent in all the sarcasm languages. Not that I'm bitter and cynical. I just truly enjoy the ironic side of life. There's a fine line between funny and snarky, though. I have to be careful.
And today is Thursday, if you didn't already know what... or if you're not reading on the other side of the world ... but i think you're still only half a day ahead... or if you read my blog in chunks, several days at a time.
Today being Thursday, it's time to talk about the things that I'm thankful for... which... I should have done more of this sort of thing, this being November and Thanksgiving being next week... but.... honestly... I've been less inspired than usual. Go figure.

Here's what's happening in my world: my back is flared up... which means the nerves get more compressed and there is less muscle control from about the waist down... which means the whole digestive process gets interrupted and I get these stomach cramps that beat anything else I've ever experienced, including but not limited to childbirth. Which also means that my cystitis gets flared up which contributes an entirely different kind of pain... and the area that needs surgery that I can't afford to have gets more irritated and uncomfortable and muscle spasms kick in and the piriformis syndrome goes nuts and honestly... it's the kind of pain that makes me understand how people go off the legitimate medication grid to find something that puts them into lala land. I won't. Don't worry. Because the only thing I can imagine that would be worse than hurting this bad and having to drag my pathetic pity party into the office would be taking this show on the road to the county jail for possessing illegal substances. I just take deep breaths, count down the hours until I can trip the light fantastic back in the nest, limp my way through the day with a lip gloss stained smile so that nobody knows... the trouble I've seen... . It's less than honest ... I mean, there's really a fine line between honesty and overshare... and one thing you learn very quickly when dealing with chronic pain is that "how are you?" isn't always an invitation for you to really explain how you are.

So there's that.
I mean... I've accepted that there are a lot of things I can't do right now, maybe never again. I've accepted that there will always be a little bit of pain involved in any physical activity... (and I swept the kitchen floor last night knowing that it would hurt. so. bad. later)...  I really can get through most work days just out of sheer determination and stubbornness. I understand that I'm grading myself on one scale while the world grades me on another... from the outside it looks like I barely do anything... but from where I'm sitting... I get a heck of a lot of normal people kinda stuff done considering the amount of pain I'm in at any given moment. And so today when I put on my big girl panties and "deal with it"... and paint on my cover girl war paint... and maybe pull my hair that needs styling back into a ponytail... I may not be much to look at ... but for me, relatively speaking, I'm Wonder Woman.

I'm thankful for the ability to keep going when I don't wanna.
I'm thankful that there is still a cozy nest that I can call my own.
I'm thankful that there's num nums in the cabinet for the fur babies... and still a decent amount of food in the pantry for my doodle bug and me.
I'm thankful for anything and everything I'm learning or have yet to learn through this process.
I'm thankful for the humility it's teaching me.
I'm thankful that I could afford to get my meds refilled yesterday.
I'm thankful that I'm closer to Saturday today than I was yesterday.
I'm thankful for the awesome new wardrobe that Tracey has been sending me, box by happy box.
I'm thankful for the book that Kelli sent me a few months ago about the Holy Spirit. My heart is finally in a place where I can read and receive it.
I'm thankful for working through that little stubborn "God must hate me" period that I was falling into.
I'm thankful for the cool weather... for what little bit of color that's left on the trees after the rain yesterday.
I'm thankful for the way that Austin is engaging in his community. He makes me really proud.

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