get the whiny out of the way and have a great day!

My days are blending into one another... same routine... wake up crazy early... blog, play my games, get ready... work... drag my tired bag of bones home... eat a little dinner, play a few games, watch a little tv, go to bed.

The view changes only slightly. I was sure on Monday that the leaves must surely be at their peak because they were so vivid and bright... and right on cue, yesterday, driving home I noticed that while we still have a lot of autumn color, it's more muted and dull. Next week it will be dark on my drive home from work which I dread... I don't see well at night, there are no lit streets where I travel. It makes me slightly anxious navigating the curvy mountain roads in the dark. By the time I get used to it, the days will be getting longer again.

The upside is that I'll have an extra hour this weekend...

I've been feeling flu-ey for a week now. With the pneumo-sinu-bronchial nonsense that Austin had last week, I dreaded/fully expected to catch a heaping helping dose of this. It's odd... mostly I just have the flu-ey, feverish, weak feeling but not the terrible nasal drip and cough that he had. I cough some. I sneeze some. I'm just not a full blown snot factory like Austin was.

This morning I have a headache, sore throat and a mild "productive" cough. My back pain isn't that bad this morning. Yesterday I was in AGONY with my back most of the day. When my back is inflamed it sets off a chain of other symptoms ... so by the time I left work... went and picked up the pizza I promised Austin... and drove home... and fed the cats (who I'm convinced are glad to see me because Austin doesn't feed them)... I crashed and burned into my nest. I didn't even eat the pizza.

That seems to be my cycle... exhaustion - pain - exhaustion - pain. I'm sick of it. The surgeon I'm seeing tomorrow is guaranteed to do one of two things: tell me I'm going to have to live with this latest unpleasant symptom or tell me I need surgery for the latest unpleasantness. Either way, I'm going to have to make adjustments to my logistics - either figure out when I can be off work... how to replace that income... how to handle the logistics of having someone transport me to and from the surgical center... figure out how to keep our household running when I'm down for the count for a few days... OR figure out how to accept this additional pain.

So far this week Austin has neglected to do the dishes I asked him to do on Saturday ... neglected to take out the trash I asked him to take out on Sunday... neglected to get the dishes out of his room like I asked on Sunday... neglected to put away the clothes I folded for him on Sunday... neglected to empty the litter box like I asked him to do yesterday. I do the things I can do... I even do the things that are borderline difficult in moderation... a little here and a little there to keep our house from being a total wreck... but if/when I'm not able to do anything... I'm going to have to have strong pain medicine to keep me from stressing over the house.

It's whiny wednesday, right? So it's ok for me to moan and groan and complain today. I'm going to work REALLY hard today to find blessings every single hour and I'm going to report back tomorrow so that you will see that I don't really mope around being miserable everywhere i go. At least I hope not. I think a lot of people who cross paths with me in real life don't really know how bad the pain is at times. Yesterday I was doing a fair share of wincing because I was having a hard time going from a sitting to a standing position. We have two lovely ladies who are alternating at the front desk and both have a good bit of knowledge and experience but occasionally need a little guidance... every time I'd get up to answer a question for them - agony. We have one multi-printer that is in the lobby so every time I print anything I have to get up - agony. Bathroom breaks - major pain - from the walk down the hall to the potty to the transition from standing to sitting to standing - major pain. Using the muscles it takes to go potty - bit a hole through my lip trying not to scream.

So the pity party ends with this blog entry today... the rest of the day is going to be a celebration of all the things I can do and all the great people I come in contact with and the beauty of the place I live. And that starts with the three advil I just took to make my head stop hurting.

Love and hugs, y'all!