My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Monday, December 19, 2011

Reasons to Love Monday - God is not dead, nor does He sleep

 It's a clear liquid diet for me today but fortunately, coffee is on the list of things I can have. And fortunately, my Guardian Angel, Tracey, sent me this awesome cinnamon coffee from Starbucks that is really very ok black. I would prefer to add that awesome amaretto creamer that I have in the fridge... but I'm going to stick to the plan today. I mean... anyone can survive three days on a liquid diet, right? It's not exactly what I want but it's ok.

This picture of the crazy man with the lumberjack beard and the sock monkey hat is my first born. Boo Boo will be in Atlanta this week... of course, I won't be traveling any further than my nest but I just KNOW he's gonna come see me. Right? Please? I won't have a lot of time with him but he'll get to bond with his brother and sister-in-law... he'll get to love on his grandparents. I'm just so proud of who he is that I'm very ok with the choices he makes and how he spends his time in Georgia.

The next picture is my niece Madeleine who is 4. My heart breaks every time I see a picture of her... those gorgeous big eyes... her long dark curly hair... she is one of us in a bigger way than any of us has been... I would love to take her to Babyland General and let her
see all the baby dolls... I would love to play the games with her that I play with Sarabeth and Jamie. I would love for all my girls, my precious nieces, including the big girls, Tiffany and Elizabeth... I would love for them to all be in one place at the same time. I have never met Madeleine. I've never been able to shower her with "surprises" like I have with Sarabeth and Jamie. I'm so in love with this little girl who I've never met. I wish she was a part of my life but I'm so delighted that she even exists. The world, my brother's world, without a doubt, is richer for having brought this little doll into the world.

I drove home yesterday in the bright sunshine thinking how blessed and how charmed my life is... I don't have everyone nearby that I wish was nearby... but I have so many people in my life who love me and share their lives and love with me, even if it is sometimes from a distance.

I'm facing a painful surgery - the words of the surgeon keep ringing in my head, "this is the most painful surgery we do" - but I'm not facing it alone. It's been a long time since I spent more than a few hours with my mother... and she's by no means the healthiest person in our family... but she's coming to stay with me for a few days to make sure I'm ok. To make sure that I don't have the kind of circumstances that I had with my last surgery where I was in too much pain to do anything for myself but there was no one to do anything for me. I can relax, rest, heal.

My bills are paid. My pantry is stocked. My house is cleaner than usual, even though it's not exactly *company clean*. I'm ok with that. I've bought gifts for everyone that I could. Not as much as I wish I could do but there's something for my closest family members. My niece Tiffany is looking forward to celebrating Christmas after many years of not celebrating for religious reasons. Her little boy, Ethan, (who is also has a piece of my heart) can anticipate Santa Claus coming... and she's having another little boy in about twenty more weeks! Our family keeps growing. We are so blessed. I am so blessed.

My reasons to love Monday are different this week because... it's not my usual perspective of looking out over five days ahead where I will be in pain and suffering at my desk, trying to be cheerful and kind to everyone who crosses my path while still being effective and productive, despite the pain. This Monday I'm facing a few days ahead with pain and suffering but... where I am supported medically with appropriate pain relief, where I am supported emotionally and physically by my brother, sister-in-law, mother and son. I am not alone. My greatest fear, the thing that brings me to tears quicker than anything is the feeling of being alone. I am not alone.

The song "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day" has sort of been my earworm over the weekend... mainly for the line "God is not dead, nor does He sleep"... and for me, in a year where I have faced a lot of trials and frustrations... and even once felt that God had turned His back on me... that line reminds me that there is so much more going on in my life than what I can see... in this world we will have trouble but He has overcome the world... and so, in that, I love Monday because I know that I am safely in His arms.

Love and hugs...

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