My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Newsday Tuesday - when I am weak... He is strong

I worked the whole day yesterday and although it wasn't easy, I was so filled with pride and gratitude at the end of the day. I made it.

Today... the pain is not as bad. It's still very difficult to go from a sitting to a standing position... it doesn't feel like my left leg will hold me up... I get up slow... but once I'm up, it's ok. The muscles in my back are in spasm... the muscles in my legs are weak. I'm extremely fatigued, as if I was wearing a lead cloak. My blood pressure is inching back up. My chest is tight - in an asthmatic way, I suspect that I have a round of bronchitis coming on. I have an earache... one of those stabbing kinds that hurts like the dickens for about sixty seconds and then eases up until the next attack. I'm struggling.

Yesterday I just had to have the mindset that I was going to be in pain no matter where I was. I might as well be in pain where I was earning money instead of being in pain where I am just feeling sorry for myself.

I know I talk about my medical issues an awful lot. This is my record so that I can remember when I go to the doctors exactly what things have been like because I'm such a "Pollyanna" that when doctors ask how I've been I always say, "fine, thank you... and you?" and I need to remember to say...
"geez, I can barely stand up sometimes and the pain is so horrible that there are times that I wish I had some kind of numbing vice... put me out of my misery, already!"

But what a beautiful thing to get up in the morning and KNOW that the only way I'm going to be able to do the things I need to do... to have the physical ability to keep moving, to have the mental discipline to hang tough, to have the spiritual awareness to realize that in my own flesh I am NOTHING and I need Him to be my everything. It's awesome to need Him.

A lot of you have these totally highly functional bodies and totally self-sufficient financial resources and don't know how beautiful it is to walk in a life that requires a savior. To ask and receive... every time I need Him and He comes through for me, I realize even more how much He loves me.  I hope... that when I speak honestly about my needs and can come back and share the next day of how He lifted me and carried me through... I hope that it gives you courage to ask for the things you need too. Or to have the confirmation that He heard your prayers for me and He answered YOU!

No matter how much money we have, no matter how healthy you are, no matter how stable your marriage and how perfect and precious your children... we all have *something* in our life that is beyond what we can control. I ask that you will trust me to pray for those things in your life... that we can pray together... so that you will also know how much He loves you. He's not a big ole cosmic Santa Claus but He is a Savior who truly, dearly loves His children. I hope you'll let me know the concerns of your heart, just like I share with you every day.

If you've never had a moment where you've encountered God, I'd like to introduce you to Him. We all know that I'm not much of a salesperson... it's the bane of my career existence, the fact that I'm far better at taking care of people than I am at changing people's minds about what they need. But I'd like to convince you to come to know Him... to change your mind about who He is.

You may see God as vengeful... or you may see Christianity as entering a world of rules and regulation... and the Bible definitely does give us guidelines for living a better life but more than that... He gives us Grace and forgiveness and mercy and peace. He wants to show you who He is... He wants you to know more about His character and to come to see Him as I see Him... or as I am LEARNING to see Him because of how desperately I need Him.

I will continue to complain and catalog my physical difficulties because I want you to know how fully and completely He provides for me. Not to brag on my own strength... but so you can see what is lacking in me, to know that I am broken and weary and ragged and unable to do what I need to do. There are so many reasons why I shouldn't be physically able to get up and go to work today... just like yesterday... and there is only one reason I can. "And my God will supply all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus"... Phillipians 4:19

That's the news for today... whatever you need... my God can supply.
Love and hugs, y'all.

3 comments:

Pamela Walden said...

Amen, sister! You keep on preaching!

I'm proud of you for making yesterday work and for working and earning some money.

Keep up the good work and especially keep point your friends to Jesus through your life experiences. You're going to get better, I just know it! I was always thankful for friends who had faith in my situation when I had none. And I've got lots of faith that you're going to be fully recovered and feeling like a "normal" person, whatever that feels like, someday! You go get 'em today! Love ya!

Missie said...

Having chronic pain myself, I know exactly how you feel. Unfortunetly, it's hard for most to understnad. Glad you're feeling better today.

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