My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Sunday, August 21, 2016

Middle Ground

I feel like I've observed - from a distance - two of the most dramatic opposite emotions possible in the past day or so.

The highest of joys when the Brazilian Men's Soccer team won the gold medal for the first time ever while hosting the Olympics... to watch the stadium full of passionate Brazilian soccer fans erupt in cheers when the tense shoot out ended the game was one of those Olympic moments I'll always remember.

And the saddest possible experience, the loss of a child, by a family south of Atlanta whose 18 year old daughter was killed in a nine car auto accident yesterday. So many of my Facebook friends have kids who went to school with this obviously well loved girl and/or were friends with her parents. I cannot wrap my mind around that kind of loss and my heart breaks for them.

I have a friend who lost a son in a car accident about two years ago... the father killed himself a year later, unable to move on from the grief. I don't even want to try to understand what that must be like. I always think about that dad when I see that a parent has had to bury a child. There are so many reasons that I haven't pushed Austin to drive before he is ready. That father is one of the reasons.

Another long time blogger friend has a grown daughter who has suffered one medical trial after another. She's very sick again and I can - only to a degree - understand the daughter's frustration because I know what it's like to be in a body that doesn't allow you to live the life you want to live. I can also, to some degree, understand what it's like to watch your child suffer through the most unfair of circumstances. A parent is only as happy as their saddest child.

Today has alternated between bright sunshine and pouring rain. The last week has alternated between the intense stress of going to court followed by the absolute delight of seeing my son reunited with his little girl. I feel like I've been on an adrenaline pump for the past two months... but yesterday and today have been peaceful. I'm learning to appreciate even a few hours of peace in a row lately. To me it's so much easier to just get along. That doesn't mean laying down and accepting whatever someone does to you. It's just about being appreciative when you find an olive branch.

Austin's week off from work has felt like a vacation of my own, even though we've had many details to take care of. This morning we had breakfast in a restaurant for the second time in the past few days. That's extreme for me... I'm not sure I've been in a restaurant twice in the same month in a long time, much less twice in a week. Both times it's just felt good to see him be happy. The food hasn't mattered at all.

I don't sleep in my bed because of my back. Most of the time it's just where my clean clothes wait to be folded and put away. There were ants all over it this week so I folded a lot of clothes after aggressively waving them around trying to knock the ants off. Aggravating but... it would be worse if there were ants where I sleep, right?

I'm really a very peaceable person. I don't like conflict. As much as I appreciate the huge, mountaintop experiences, I'm usually pretty content just hanging out in the valley. Just don't try to bury me in a pit somewhere. Give me middle of the road, gray, fair to partly cloudy every single day and I'm really sort of ok with that.

I'm not sure if this blog makes any sense at all. I hope you're finding your own middle ground right now... but if you're sinking low, hang in there. Rock bottom just gives you a chance to begin your return climb. Happy Weekend-end. Love and hugs, y'all!

1 comments:

Stacey said...

I lost my mom in April of 2006 and I was (and still am to be honest) grief stricken to my very core, but as a mom I was also heart broken for my mom's mom. My Nana had lost a child and was so ill herself she could not come to hold her baby during her illness or mourn with the rest of my family. That part breaks my heart to this day - so much so that I was almost relieved that my Nana passed less than 8 months later. At least I know they are together now.