My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Weepy Wednesday

Cosette at 1 - Cody calls this foto "Auggie in a dress"
This morning I slept until almost 8 am. That never happens. I was awake before 5 after staying up until late watching the Olympics and I just thought... "I'm still sleepy... why not just go back to sleep?" and the next thing I knew my dad was handing me a plate with sausage and scrambled eggs just before 8 o'clock. Breakfast in bed my recliner for the win!

I didn't get as much Italian learning in this morning and although I've been trying to catch up all day, here's why I haven't:

  • I had an Amazon delivery and spent a lot of time unboxing my dozens and dozens of K-cups. 
  • I watched Oscar for a couple of hours while my parents were out and it's hard to hold a little dog, a laptop and a notebook all at the same time while keeping the cats from pouncing and starting some domestic drama. 
  • I picked Austin up from work and included a drive thru the Dairy Queen because I knew he had dealt with some crazy today and needed a pick-me-up (i.e. mom wanted a cherry Mister Misty Arctic Rush and needed an excuse). 
  • Now there's some crazy guy climbing the Trump Tower and I'm riveted to the news and can't get a good study groove going. 


The dog ate my homework, disability edition. I mean, it's not like I have a deadline and I'm learning just to keep my brain from turning to mush and so I know that I still CAN learn new things. But I feel like I haven't progressed as much today, that's all.

I would say, "in other news" but honestly, that's the whole day for you. At least the part I can blog about. The rest is just more custody stuff that I have to keep close to the vest. It is filling our lives. Just please, continue to keep Austin in your prayers. The battle rages on and he has fought so hard. I'm very proud of him because there are things that I would have said and done by this point that would be inadvisable... and he has kept his cool. Even when he gets texts like, "she doesn't even know who you are" from his child's mother. Selfishly alienating your child from a father who has loved her is nothing to brag about. Austin and his family have made WEEKLY requests to arrange a time / place for him to see THE BABY... not the mama. Mama for some reason thinks she will be able to supervise all of Austin's visitation with Cosette. But that's more than I should say about that.

And the thing is... Cosette knows her daddy... when she came to our house a few days back, within five seconds of being at our house she correctly identified the dog... remembered how to call the cat... started heading downstairs to my living room .. was perfectly happy to ride down on the stair lift with me... pointed to the picture of her "big cousins" on the wall.  and immediately went toward her toys... if she does all that, she will remember the man who cuddled her to sleep every night of her life, the man who constantly made her giggle... the man who loved her enough to change his life to be able to provide for her... who put up with her mama's abuse just to be near his little girl.... She knows her daddy.

And the scales of justice are going to give Cosette an opportunity to continue know him, to see him, to be loved by him... and by his family. There are a lot of us and we bring a lot of talents and skills to the table. I just think about what a beautiful home we have and what a beautiful extended family that Cosette has available to her... a cousin her own age... two uncles and aunts who want to be involved in her life... great-uncles and aunts and dozens and dozens of second cousins, first cousins-once removed... great-grandparents... a great-great-grandmother... a NANA... there are so many wonderful opportunities available for Cosette in our family. I just pray that she gets to be in our lives. I miss her so much and I'm so tired of seeing my child hurt for his child.

I keep thinking about when Michael abruptly decided we would move to Florida right at the beginning of Cody's senior year. Cody refused to go with us. Now, looking back, I know this was God's plan for Cody because it was in that time that Cody met Marquee who was/is perfectly suited to be his wife and lifelong partner. Marquee gave us Oliver... but so much more... she gave me the great peace that comes from knowing that your child is loved, not just from her but by her whole huge extended family. I'm so grateful for the life Cody has now. BUT... the first few months of being in Florida without him.... ripped a wound in my heart that was so painful and even now, just thinking about it brings immediate choking sobs. I can remember unpacking the moving truck and we came across a box of Cody's old ball uniforms and trophies and the movers said, "where does this go?" and I just collapsed in a heap of tears... physically unable to move because my child was no longer in my life.

If you're a parent, you get it... one day she's cuddled up between you and your partner in bed and then she's ripped out of your arms and you can't see her, hold her, talk to her, know anything about her life. I facetime with Oliver several times a week. And although I only see him about once a month... he knows me! He immediately starts to do the things we do on Factime (like sticking out our tongues or doing the tomahawk chop). Imagine if all of a sudden... your child was gone from your life and you have to fight like hell to get her back. So hold that Warrior Dad up in your prayers... pray for supernatural strength, patience, articulation for him... pray he holds up through this and pray that the just makes a way for us to see Cosette very, very soon.

So that was my Wednesday. Sorry to take the dark turn... it's just what's happening, that and so much more. Love and hugs to all y'all!

2 comments:

Julie said...

So many single or divorced women would love to have their child's father take more interest in their child. That is a shame that your son is being denied being with his daughter. Keeping him in my prayers that justice will prevail!

monica said...

I'm really sorry that you and Austin and the rest of your family has to go thru this heartache. I hate it when an innocent child is used as a bargaining chip.
That is the most selfish thing that anyone can do. I just don't get it.
I truly don't.
;(
m