My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Sunday, August 14, 2016

Zulily Haul and Other Stuff


new ring... described a few paragraphs down
Had another sleepless night due to pain and... eh, who knows why. I just randomly have nights where out of the blue my usual knock-out meds don't do their job and I don't sleep. I'm not one to just lie sit there and count sheep. I stayed online for quite a bit... reviewed some Italian (working on numbers!)... added a new game app to my phone - more about that in a minute. I saw every hour on the clock last night. Consequently this morning I am zombie-fied. I want a nap and need a nap and may very well end up taking a nap. 

So this new game is called WORDBRAIN. It's basically nine letters in a tic tac toe format with two words formed from the letters in some sort of order, either side by side or diagonally from each other to spell out the words. You have two boxes, alla Wheel Of Fortune, showing you the number of letters in each word. At each new level you get a few hints where they will fill in the first letter of a word for you but I run out of hints fast. Anyways... I played that for quite a while last night. I'm currently stuck right now or I would probably still be playing.

AUSTIN's BAD DAY

Part of my zulily haul that hasn't arrived yet
Yesterday (skipping around a bit, sorry) Austin had such a rough morning. He got to work and Tasha was there with Cosette, in the check out line. The thing is... as much as he is DYING to cuddle his baby girl, he is absolutely terrified of the thought of Tasha creating a scene in public. Last week she called and asked if he would come to lunch with them and he was like... I'd like to go to lunch with Cosette. I mean, the last time he had lunch with Tasha she tried to have him arrested so there was no way he was doing that. I can't blame him for being apprehensive. So of course, as much as he wanted to approach them, there they are in the front of his store, at his JOB, right in front of management and he is in uniform. If she provoked him (which is her typical pattern) and he raised his voice it could impact his job. Or what if he approached them and Tasha refused to let him have the baby? Or Cosy, since she's been kept away from her dad for almost two months got upset... right there in public... how traumatic would that be for both she and Austin? The thing is... Tasha knows he always works on Saturdays. The only time he DOESN'T work on Saturday is when he purposely schedules a day off and with him having to be off to go to court on Monday, of course he would be working Saturday. She knows his daily habits better than anyone. She knows he gets to work early and gets a drink at Starbucks. And honestly, that time of day is much earlier than what she would normally be up and out. I'm just pointing this out because THIS is what he has had to deal with. To show up at his work place to dangle the carrot of the little girl she has kept from him right at the start of his work day, knowing how heartbroken he is... 

from my zulily haul... thin shirt for layering
Then... someone from night shift left a mop in a narrow hallway where it wasn't supposed to be and Austin bumped into it... it fell, taking down a bottle of raspberry vinaigrette with it. The vinaigrette bottle shattered and splashed all that raspberry vinaigrette all over him from the knees down. He called and asked me to bring him a clean pair of pants, which of course, I did. I was home by myself at the time so I had to climb the stairs to his room and... climbing stairs is becoming very, very difficult. There's something about the back and forth motion of the spine that compresses things in just the worst way possible. I did it and I got them to him but when I left the store I was in tears... both for myself with the pain and for him and what a horrible morning he had. As a reward for my efforts I made a trip to Chickfila for a large tea and some chicken-minis. 

So tomorrow we go to court and hopefully the judge will grant some visitation time immediately for him. Unsupervised visitation... since Tasha has offered a few times to allow him to see Cosette if and only if Tasha came along. And as I said, Austin just flat out doesn't feel comfortable around Tasha right now. It's honestly a post-traumatic stress type reaction that he's having. Both of us, truly, knowing that had there not been a videotape THAT day showing that he was not the aggressor, he would have gone to jail. It's a level of mistrust that I've never faced before... to know that at any moment, if things aren't according to her liking, she could pose a threat to his life and liberty. I don't know why it surprised me because we had been threatened for the past two years that if we didn't do (fill in the blank) that we would never see the baby again. Over and over we heard this. From Tasha and her mom... to me, Austin, my parents... I have a few examples of those threats that I can document. The bottom line is that Austin is just not going to put himself in a position where he can be accused of ANYTHING and he most definitely is NOT going to have an emotional reunion with his child at his workplace at the start of his workday. It's just so insensitive. (Like the time she wanted us to meet them at the local Chinese restaurant... how does that provide an opportunity for quality time?) 

The thing is...Austin has always been a perfect example of the "law of motion"... (objects at rest remain at rest/ objects in motion remain in motion unless they come in contact with some other object or force). Austin reacts, he doesn't ACT. So I always knew if Austin raised his voice, it was because he had come in contact with some "force" that changed his normal trajectory, something that upset his normal environment. Now sometimes his perception of offense might be different from what someone else might register as offense, especially when he was little - especially as the youngest of three boys! But he really would never start trouble. He, like his mama, avoids confrontation at all costs. And it has cost him plenty lately. 

Anyways... I didn't intent to go off on that tangent today. When I blog, whatever is first and foremost in my mind is what spills out so... that's what is on my mind. 

MY ZULILY HAUL

I had placed an order with Zulily a few weeks ago and part of it came yesterday. I got this "tunic" which... for most people would be a top that just comes to the bottom of their bottom but since I'm short, it falls just above the knees for me. Yes, I'm a freak of nature. It's actually a very flattering length for me and will be cute with leggings but I think I can also get away with just wearing opaque tights under it and wearing it as a dress. It's the most incredibly soft material and it's got a bit of spandex to it so it gives a little but still holds it's shape. The best thing - it has deep pockets! My arms are always chilly so I'll probably wear a cardigan with it. Yesterday I had a very thin long sleeved shirt under it for layering and that was also cute. Anyways... I loved it so much that I bought myself another in coral and one in fuschia. I even ordered one for my mom. There are a lot of "cons" for me with Zulily... it takes awhile to get stuff... you can't return things which can be tricky with clothes... but there have been a lot of things I've gotten from them that I just love. The brand 42POPS is my favorite of the brands they sell. 

I also got a new ring... I only wear sterling silver and I pretty much only wear hoop earrings and rings. I love my silver rings! The one I got is pictured earlier in the blog. I also ordered a long sleeved tunic (pictured earlier) that hasn't arrived yet. I'm sort of bummed, in retrospect that it doesn't have pockets. I love the pockets in the tunic/dress. I ordered three new pairs of leggings and that's going to complete my fall wardrobe. I debated over whether or not to buy anything new because I feel like I have too many clothes. I bought a lot of stuff last year but I do pretty much wear the same pieces in rotation. That "capsule wardrobe" concept that people talk about is basically what I do. For me it's solid color long sleeved tops that are made of thin, soft material, cami tops underneath for modesty (covering any cleavage because I can't stand cleavage), cardigans for warmth, yoga pants or leggings on the bottom. That's my everyday/every night uniform. The things I bought last fall are showing some wear so I did really need a few new things. And that new tunic/dress that I love? Only $14.99! 

(if you've never ordered from zulily and you find something you like... let me send you an invite because then I get $15 credit. Not the reason I'm sharing my haul but you know, just trying to save money where I can.) 

Now for some Italian... "Non ti ringraziero mai abbastanza" - "I can't thank you enough" for your kind responses to yesterday's blog post. I feel like I'm tucked into the happiest little corner of the internet and I'm grateful. 

I'll update tomorrow after court if I'm not too worn out and traumatized from the experience. The last day in court was grueling and it took me a few days to recover. I'm praying tomorrow is easier and that we finally see some progress and intervention from the court in reuniting us with our sweet baby girl. 

Austin has his first ever paid vacation from work this week - from Wednesday through Sunday. I really wanted to do something special for him but it's tricky since he doesn't drive and we have an appointment with his attorney on Thursday. My first choice would have been for him to get to visit one of his brothers which would involve a lot of driving, even if I put him on a plane to see his brother in Myrtle Beach. No, my TRUE first choice would have been a trip to New York to see Hamilton but THAT's too expensive and beyond my physical ability at the moment. I'm trying to think of something "stay-cation-ish" that I could do with him or for him but I'm not coming up with anything. Do you guys have any suggestions? 

One last Italian phrase for today because I think it's beautiful... "Finche c'e vita, c'e speranza" - "While there is life, there is hope..." 

Hope you have a great Sunday and I hope we'll all have good things to share about the week ahead! Love and hugs, y'all! 

2 comments:

JazzyMae said...

Good luck tomorrow! I know you don't know me in my little corner of the world but I do wish you and your son all the luck in the world. You will be fine, this I know.

Love your ring, too!

Take care,
Rosie

JazzyMae said...

Good luck tomorrow! I know you don't know me in my little corner of the world but I do wish you and your son all the luck in the world. You will be fine, this I know.

Love your ring, too!

Take care,
Rosie