My People

My People
My matched set of grandchildren - Oliver and Cosette

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Peace. And quiet.

Do you hear that sound?

That sound is NOT a barking dog.

I love our furbabies but our little Oscar is a bit... well... vocal. He's gone back to the 'burbs with Mawmaw and Pop. Mom has several doctors appointments in civilization next week so for now, it's just me and the kid here at the Mansion. And the cats. One of whom is sitting at my feet just like Oscar usually does... and another is on my right hip. 

Today Cody and Marquee came up to celebrate Mawmaw and Pop's birthday. We had North Georgia BBQ and the kids made bought an awesome cake from the Publix bakery. 

It was a nice visit and then everybody got in the cars and went home and it has been so quiet. 

I watched the entire Florida / Tennessee game without interruption. 

I skipped dinner without feeling guilty that my mother isn't eating because I'm not cooking or eating. 

I haven't let a single dog out to pee all afternoon.

By tomorrow (or the next day, maybe) I'll miss them all, canine and human. 

But tonight... it's glorious!

Austin had a meltdown... kinda to be expected... Mom and the dogs have been here for a month this time and although it's their house... Austin is used to visits of a week or two and then a week or two in between so it was different than what we were used to. 

Add into that the stress of the different configuration due to the water damage. And then Austin had a friend who was without a place to stay who stayed here far longer than we intended or wanted. And then Austin spent the past ten days at Logan's house while Logan's mom was out of town so, sort of in a lawless state. And then he comes back and I won't let him do what he wants to do which is have this friend spend the night. 

We've been in transition and Aspergers + transition = meltdown.

He asked if the still homeless friend could come back - just for tonight. What happened last time was "just this night" turned into really uncomfortable whispers of "Austin... he can't live here..." with him not having the social dexterity to explain to a friend who is - well, sort of a strong personality - that we can't afford for him to stay with us. While I was explaining my reservations and deliberating the right answer - he exploded on me with a barrage of profanity and storming around and, well, just a general tantrum/meltdown. 

None of this is new to me. I'm 19 1/2 years into this disorder/difference and I know that none of that was about me. He had a meltdown locked and loaded and just needed somewhere for it to blow and that was the first time he didn't get the exact response he wanted. 

For the record... I was totally calm about the ex-girlfriend that he's back with that has a newborn (not his). I had no problem leaving my solitude to drive him to Leaf Grocery to buy cigarettes. I had no problem giving him money to buy cigarettes. I didn't mention his continuing need to find a j-o-b. I was totally Mellow Mom. 

But... the bottom line is that Austin and I are strays and don't really have the right to take in more strays. This is a young man who... although occasionally motivated and cooperative and nice... is not living with family because they found drug paraphernalia in his possession. 

I'm not in the position to buy food and supplies (you know, things like styrofoam cups, paper plates, toilet paper, paper towels - things that tend to run out faster the more people in a residence) for young people who are not my responsibility, especially those who are without a home not due to lack of family but due to lack of respect for the rules of living with his family. Particularly because those rules are the same here and I don't want or need the added stress of trying to figure out if that sort of thing is going on here. 

The Christian in me wants to have compassion for anyone without a place to live. The realist in me knows that this is beyond the scope of my control or responsibility.

If that makes Austin hate me for a few days, I can live with it. 
I am not willing to sacrifice my peace and quiet for heated discussion about things that require logic and reason with someone who isn't quite using those things in the same measure that I am. 

My kid is NOT a Florida fan. 
However, today, I ate chocolate cake. I had really good bbq. Florida won. I saw two out of three of my kids. Life isn't so bad. 

I'm looking forward to the Emmy Awards tomorrow night. I adore Neil Patrick Harris. Mayim Bialek is nominated and I have been reading along in her blog where she is going through the process of finding a dress that is appropriate for the occasion that doesn't contradict her beliefs. 

I'm zen. I'm relaxed. I'm peaceful. I'm in a good bit of pain but I can take it. 

We're gonna make it after alllllllllllllll...........

Cody's new tattoo. Eh. 
Mom and Pop with their birthday cake.

She is totally cutting the cake. Just the cake. 

In chocolate there is joy. 


45 and Fabulous! said...

That cake looks totally yummy!