its gonna be ok....

Is it still Monday?



No. Really. It's ok. My facebook status is, "It's gonna be ok". That's more wishful thinking than knowledge at this point but...



I think I freaked everyone out with my phrase from Rich Mullins' song... Hold Me Jesus... it's a beautiful song. It's been released by Big Daddy Weave.... a Christian group that I really like.



I went to the oral surgeon today. The short version of his diagnosis is stress. If I can stop being stressed, I will stop clenching my jaw and the pain will stop. Surgically, he can't do anything to allieviate stress. He said at this point that surgery will just add to my stress and if I'm still stressed, it won't completely solve the problem. He offered a psych referral and valium.



Ok. That's not entirely true. He wants to take out my wisdom teeth because that is part of the problem and they should have been taken out twenty years ago. He said twenty five years ago but I don't know anyone who had their wisdom teeth out at fifteen. At least not when I was that age. They may do it that young now. At any rate... I was having babies at twenty and not able to afford time off of work. Oh. Sort of like being forty!



His office is checking to see how much of the cost my health insurance will cover. If I can afford it and can manage to afford a day or two off of work, I'll have my wisdom teeth out. They sure haven't made me any wiser! The valium was actually my pre-surgery medication. I ended up not taking it for two reasons: 1. I would have used it before surgery. I just would have. 2. They charge a flat ten dollar fee to fill prescriptions. I got burned on that deal before when I paid twenty dollars for two prescriptions that - when I got them refilled at my pharmacy up here under my insurance - only cost me 94 cents. Seriously. That's some hefty mark up! He prescribed TWO pills... two valium... and they wanted to charge me ten dollars for those two pills. I refused. They said that since they had already filled the prescription that they were mine, whether or not I took them and I would owe for them. I told them there was no way I was paying ten dollars for two pills that likely would cost me pennies... they said they wouldn't make my appointment for surgery until I settled that account. So I guess I'll be finding a new oral surgeon before I get my wisdom teeth out.



Why am I stressed again? Oh yeah. Things like that. I think that when you're already in pain and already stressed out and when you don't have good coping skills that every little aggravation like that sends you over the edge. I cried the whole 45 minutes home. It didn't help anything.



I tried to make payment arrangements on a bill that I'm behind on. I was not successful. I'm trying. The lady on the other end of the phone was sweet... and kind... and actually encouraging... she was a Christian... she said, "Honey, don't give up, God is still working in your life...." but her supervisor demanded more money than I could pay. I could hear her trying... and I had prayed for someone compassionate so... it just is what it is. I can't do anything to change it at this point. I have to wait until I get paid on Thursday to settle up.



Child support better not be late this time!



As frustrated as I get with my little irritations and inconveniences... they are temporary. I mean... it's stressful now but ultimately it will be ok. I will be ok. I still have a job. I still am healthy enough to work. I have a job. I have great kids... two of 'em with great girls... I have some amazing, beautiful nieces that are the daughters I never had... I have incredible friends...



And now I have a discipline issue with a teenage boy... *ugh*

Love and hugs, y'all....