it's all relative

Relatively speaking… the past week has been challenging. And by “relative” I mean, in the sense of people I’m related to. My mom’s been in the hospital… we had Cody’s birthday… Ryan was down for the weekend… there were some challenges related to being a divorced parent and interacting with kids alongside the ex. There were challenges on the in-law front – not that my in-laws aren’t lovely people – they truly are a blessing – but it’s all so new for me still.

Then I had a little “relative” challenge yesterday in that Austin broke one of the windows in our duplex. Reportedly… allegedly… he tripped and fell, striking his head on the window. Oddly… it was a hard enough collision to break a window but not hard enough to leave a mark, bump or cut on him.

Things that make you go… “hmmmm”….

He and Logan rough-house uh-LOT and I’m pretty sure someone was wrestling/jostling/throwing or somehow behaving in a way that was not healthy indoor behavior. I sent Logan home right away… not because I was mad at him but because I didn’t want any witnesses. *evil laugh*

Ok. Not really. I’m glad for Austin to have friends and to be the Kool-Aid house and all of that. But I can’t really afford these sort of things. I think this is going to be terribly expensive. And it’s not covered under our renters insurance because it wasn’t a “named peril” (such as fire, theft, vandalism, etc).

Things at work have been a little higher stress for me due to some personnel limitations. Fewer people = more work. Plain and simple. And there are times when there are folks lined up in the lobby and the phone is ringing and I just want Calgon to take me away.

So last night… broken window… stress… fixed myself a little tiny glass of wine to relax and… durn if Temperance Kitty doesn’t knock it off and waste the LAST of my wine and STAIN the carpet. I was on my hands and knees blotting… dinner getting cold… cat trying to eat my dinner… I swear Bitty Kitty must be a Baptist.

Relatively speaking… this time, in the sense of “related to how bad it could be”… things aren’t that bad. Broken windows are easier to mend than broken hearts. Two years ago I was trying to mend a broken heart. And a broken forehead… when I had “that thing” removed from my forehead… remember the Bride of Frankenstein look? Not pretty. And I was dealing with a broken mind… a broken sense of identity… a broken self-image… homeless, jobless, hopeless… Into every life a little stress and strife will come. Ultimately… relatively… things are not that bad.

If there’s no crying over spilt milk… is it ok to whine over spilt wine? Just wondering. Not that I plan to make a habit of drinking OR spilling wine.

Anyways. You just have to keep getting up in the morning and keep living your life and eventually you reach a point where things aren’t as bad as they once were or you’ve adjusted to your new reality or… I don’t know. I’m not sure that I can say that broken hearts mend but I do know that I don’t feel the sting as bad as I once did. I will always bear the scars of the injustice that happened… my life is forever changed. My perspective of people, my sense of trust, my ability to commit… all forever changed. But as Austin and I drove thru our old trailer park on Saturday I said, “you know… as bad as it all was… unless that had happened, we would still be living here… in a bad part of town with the kids in bad schools… “. So I have to be grateful for the challenges that gave me the life I have today. Even more glad that the worst of those challenges are behind me, know what I mean?

Broken windows and all.

I like thinking about where I was and what I was doing at this point in time… 20 years ago I had a brand new baby. Ten years ago I was moving into my brand new trailer. Eight years ago I was unemployed and about to start work with State Farm. Five years ago I joined Weight Watchers for the first time. Four years ago I was setting up housekeeping with “it”. Three years ago I was moving to Jacksonville. Two years ago I was moving to the mountains. And time keeps on passing by.

Relatively speaking… I’m stressed but I’m not as stressed as some people and not as stressed as I’ve been at other times in my life. I need more hours in the day, more money in the bank, more energy, more patience… but I’m thankful for what I’ve got in all those categories because it’s better than it’s been at other times in my life. Lunch time is over. Happy Tuesday, y’all.