My People

My People
My matched set of grandchildren - Oliver and Cosette

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Thankful Thursday - Thankful for the pain

For a short week this sure has been a long week.
The a/c is not working at work and so, although it's nice and cool outside, by the end of the day yesterday it felt like a sauna.
I lifted something I shouldn't have last weekend and I'm really feeling the pain in those bulging discs. Muscle spasms like crazy.
It's like... I'm either asleep or in pain. There is no in between.
BUT... today is Thankful Thursday so I have to put away my big bottle of whine and go to my place of gratitude.

Yesterday I had this talk with God in the car... I told Him that IF there was a time when the pain started, there logically should be a time when the pain stops... and I didn't understand why I was unable to find anyone who could stop the pain... or find a way to be healed.

And then I thought... "do I really believe?" In God. In His power. In His ability to heal. For instance... if this was my last breath, do I really believe that I would go directly from here to the hereafter? Yes. One hundred percent, not a doubt in my mind, yes.

And then I thought... "do I think God is picking on me?" Because here I am... a very YOUNG 43 year old who will never be able to pick up my grandchildren without pain... who can barely manage anything more than working and some days not even that.

And in my heart I was reminded of a few important things:
I have a job. A good job. A job where I am able to have many wonderful interactions with many wonderful people. Divine appointments, so to speak.
My list of diagnosis' would put most people on disability and I haven't chosen that route. Yet. I have been able to do what I need to do, even if it's ALL that I can do most days.
I miss face to face fellowship with the 3-d people and it hurts... my cousin has a baby shower this weekend and there's just no way I could spend the weekend driving down and back for that... I would never be able to work the next week afterwards.
I missed Cody's 21st birthday - although I was so blessed to have him come up last weekend and we celebrated.
BUT... it seems like every day there's an encounter with someone who cares, who encourages, who supports me, who understands or at least wants to. Saturday it was the awesome care package from Tracey. Sunday it was a gift of a tea set that belonged to my Grandma and homegrown tomatoes from my parents. Tuesday it was two books in the mail from my friend Kelli in California. Yesterday I got to talk to my friend Tracy (a different Tracy) from church and my friend Alisa from church and then I got a sweet card in the mail from my sister-in-law Angie with new pictures of my girls.
I wonder... what would happen if I had the pain without the blessings? Where would I be then?
I believe that all our days were ordained for us before we were born. The "Heather Plan" was already in place. And God knew that I would need certain things to carry me thru this time of discomfort, whether it's for a season or for the rest of my life... so He put in place a support network for me that stretches far and wide... and He placed in my life people who truly care... so that the burden of encouragement doesn't fall to one person, because that would be too much... who wants to hear all that whining? I'm careful to not complain often at work because they're over it... they've heard it... it's too much... so God filled my life with many, many people who really, really care. I look back over my whole life and I realize how many people from all the different seasons of my life are still IN MY LIFE... and that's just amazing.
And would I realize how many people are in my life if I had never had pain?
And does this whole "living single" thing come into play because God knew that any relationship I was in would not be able to support/understand what I do to keep going (work and sleep) OR ... will this pain be a bridge to the next season of my life?

This week I'm thankful that I believe in God. I'm thankful that I believe in His provision and His power and His grace. I believe He could heal me but I also know that sometimes pain is part of the plan. I believe that He is teaching me far more thru this season of pain than I would have ever learned as a perfect, healthy, whole person.

My pain may be different from your pain... maybe yours is emotional. Maybe you have a much more serious or much more debilitating situation. Maybe you're alone in your pain. I encourage you to look into that pain and trust Him... look for what He's doing for you through your pain... and when you can't see His hand, trust His heart.

God is good. Love and hugs, y'all.


Pudge450 said...

Have you thought about an inversion table? Read customer reviews. Bulging discs and compressed spine are mentioned in some.