My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Sunday, September 25, 2011

the truth? you can't HANDLE the truth!

Remember that famous line from the movie A Few Good Men... in that dramatic court scene with Jack Nicholson where he's being hounded about what really happened to the marine who was killed... ? The truth in the case was that a murder was committed and the reasons behind it have to do with tradition and honor and a code that would be out of context anywhere else but Gitmo.

I'm not talking about murder here. I'm just talking about what I often refer to as "sausage making"... the things that end up going on behind the scenes that are icky and uncomfortable and less than what we want the world to know about.

Thanks to reality tv we know far more than we ever wanted to know about Hoarding, polygamy, the Jersey Shore, little people, beauty pageants, wedding dress shopping, wedding planning, alligator hunting, tattoo artists, fat people, Hugh Hefner's women, etc, etc.

It seems like we know so much about so much but yet we rarely get the truth, the whole truth and nothin' but the truth about anybody or anything. All the world to me's a scam and we are merely players (to misquote Shakespeare).

In my blog I seek to share my honest thoughts and opinions and to be transparent up to the point of embarrassing my family and friends. I am my authentic self up until the point of sharing stories that would cause hurt to someone else or bring conflict into my life. I don't know if you've realized this yet - I hate conflict. I have certain professional ethics and privacy requirements that I have to keep that prevent me from sharing some of the stories of what happens in my daily life.

But the truth is... for the most part... I'm an open book. Actually, a couple of people have suggested that I write a book. Austin wants me to write a book about raising a kid with Aspergers... but he hates when I put Facebook status' up that mention him. My dad wants me to write a book about the people who cross my path.... because I do come across some really colorful characters. (I know you couldn't hear it in the written word but when I say "colorful" it comes across very southern, such as "cull-uh-fulll"). I just feel like most of what I write about is me... and really, who wants to buy a book about me?

Today, I feel incredibly relaxed and incredibly boring. I have been lazier today than I have been in a long, long time. Other than my early morning run for supplies yesterday morning at first light (I never go out in the dark because I'm afraid of bears. Seriously.) I've been tucked into the nest. I've been in a good bit of pain over the past week... more than usual... not sure why but I am hoping having a very quiet weekend will help.

I ventured over next door to look at their yard/estate sale. They are moving to Columbia (as in Bogota, the country, not the city in South Carolina)  this week and were trying to sell everything they own. We bought a staple gun and a long thin table that fits perfectly under my bedroom window for a cat perch. I'm tempted to buy a dresser from them as we really need a dresser but... we really need to not spend the money. There are other things ahead of clothes storage that are a priority. They gave Austin a box of candles (I don't know why) and a PSP2 which he didn't need at all.

She makes beautiful jewelry but I'm not a jewelry person. She suggested that I buy it as gifts... and again... it's hard for me to buy jewelry because I don't really know what people like. And honestly... I don't have a lot of jewelry wearers in my life. Or a lot of money to spend on random things, even though they were lovely.

Austin will miss the neighbors but for me... I'm just such a hermit. I haven't really bonded with them. I don't mind them. They're nice enough people. She doesn't speak great English and has emphysema so she hasn't been out much in the two months we've lived here. I haven't been out much either. Work and home... that's my whole life right now. I guess that makes for a boring blog.

Jim brought Sarabeth and Jamie by to see me at work on Friday, which was awesome. I love my girls so much... and I just don't get to see them enough. They can't really hang out at my house because of the cats and I just don't have the energy to do much after work.

Austin's been a bit sassy and rebellious this weekend. I'm kind of rolling with it and not really arguing with him. I sense that he's sort of going through a rough patch and I'm not interested in being sucked into his dark vortex right now. He'll work through it. Once he needs something he'll snap back into line. In the meantime. Whatever.

It does make things sort of lonely when my kid is moody and uncommunicative. He hasn't wanted to go anywhere this weekend and ... well, it's ok. I needed to rest. We did so much last weekend... and the weekend before as well.

I read a lot about people being their authentic selves... I think... authenticity means that we are willing to share our imperfections... and I think our true selves are selfish and self absorbed, uglier than we would want anyone to see... but wisdom that comes with age... and temperance that comes from societal norms... and peer pressure that causes us to seek acceptance... modifies our authentic selves into something that will not offend... or embarrass us. I mean... do y'all really need to know that I bite my fingernails? Or that I haven't washed my hair since Friday? How much authenticity do we need... and does it help us connect with others or separate us from others?

I don't necessarily agree with "political correctness"... I would not necessarily confront someone or intentionally offend someone but I do believe that political correctness has ended up, to some degree, like affirmative action in that it has stifled and stigmatized those who are in the majority and has sought to take away the liberties of some in order to allow liberties for others.

I feel like your freedom should only extend so far as it doesn't compromise my freedom. It's like... smoking in public... I support the right of smokers up unto the point of their smoke keeping me from enjoying the fresh air I feel I should be entitled to. I support the right of people to drink, up until they reach the point where they get behind the wheel and endanger my life. I support the idea of giving people a hand up up until the point where it takes away from my income as a hardworking person to give to someone who is manipulating the system to get a free ride. I believe there is a great difference between rights and privileges. We are all endowed by our Creator with certain inalienable rights, among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Not a guv'ment check on the 3rd day of every month...

Anyways. I once read that small minds discuss people, mediocre minds discuss events and great minds discuss ideas. I guess I've done all three in this blog post so who knows where that leaves me.

Watching Fiddler on the Roof... brings back great memories... hope you're all having a great weekend! Love and hugs, y'all.

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