things I don't understand...

I'm in a pondering kind of mood today... although I consider myself reasonably intelligent, there are a lot of things I just don't understand...

Like... high heels. Why would anyone torture themselves in that way? My feet hurt just looking at them. The last time I wore them was at Cody's wedding and I took them off not long after the reception started and put on flip flops. That's how we ended up with this picture:

as I took off my spanx pantyhose in the backseat of Purple Michael's vehicle after he walked out to my car to get my comfy shoes and stopped by his own car for ... um... something. My tiny little daughter-in-law wears Kim Kardashian kind of high heels... you know, the ridiculously high ones. She's under 5 feet so she needs a little boost. I'm 5'2 so I'm plenty tall enough... and even if I'm not... too bad.

I don't understand tailgating. Not the kind where you have a massive cookout before a football game. I understand that... anything having to do with a huge picnic, I understand. I don't understand the kind of tailgating where someone is so close to the back of your car that they're about to be sitting in your backseat. I don't speed up for tailgaters. I usually find myself gradually slowing down... they make me nervous because I know all I need is one good fender bender and my back pain will go from agonizing to crippling. No joke.

I don't understand how people can hate Tim Tebow. Whether or not he's the Greatest College Football Player of all time... it's beyond my scope of sports history comprehension to judge... whether or not you buy into his Evangelical Christianity... he's just an all around good guy. He doesn't hate the haters back and that's enough in my book to make him above the crowd... just being above the fray.

And since we're talking about college football ... I don't understand college cheerleaders. They are like ventriloquists... a firm toothy grin in place while they're saying, "Go Green Hornets" (or whatever team they're supporting) without moving their lips. It's creepy. 

I don't understand my metabolism. Yeah, I admit there was a Little Debbie period while we were back in the old nest... but for the most part... I'm not really consuming THAT MANY more calories than I did back in my Weight Watchers heyday last year. I was losing about five pounds a month then... and now... I'm gaining about that much with maybe, at most, an extra couple of hundred calories a day. It's frustrating. I know I'm on some medications that cause weight gain but geez. It's just not fair! I packed away a whole box of clothes yesterday that I could easily wear three months ago. 

I don't understand how I can have 500 channels on my satellite and yet on Sunday morning I'm reduced to choosing between watching reruns of the Nanny or infomercials. I can't decide if I want to watch "Flat, Sexy Abs" or "Hip Hop Abs". 

I don't understand how my kid can sleep until noon or 1pm. I'd get bedsores if I stayed in bed that long. 

I don't understand activities that involve balance like surfing or ice skating. 

I don't understand how my eyebrows can grow like kudzu but my eyelashes don't. 

I don't understand why my cat is a ferocious hunter when it comes to chasing a moth but if I crinkle a plastic bag he freaks out.

I don't understand how Juan the teller is always at whatever branch of my bank I visit, whether it's Cornelia or Clarkesville. 

I don't understand how abortion can be legal but if a mom kills her child after birth it's a crime. It's a baby either way.

I don't understand why pumpkin spice lattes are so addictive.

I don't understand what love means in tennis and I don't care.

I don't understand why they can't make my back stop hurting.

I don't understand how some people can be born into wealth and others born into abject poverty.

I don't understand why bad things happen to good people. 

I don't understand how if only the good die young, how it doesn't mean that all old people are bad.

I don't understand how to grow things in the dirt, although by birthright as a southern woman, I should. 

There's a lot more but it's time to harvest my blackberries on Cityville. I know most of you don't understand why that matters to me but it does.

Hope you have a Super Sunday. Love and hugs, y'all.