Thankful to be me...

Four thirty in the morning and I'm chasing so many rabbits in my mind that I don't have a clue how this blog will come out today. Of course... that's how I write every entry... I just start with what's on my mind or in my heart and follow it through.

The sore throat kept me home from work yesterday. My fever broke in the morning and I slept HARD for a few hours. I spent the day feeling completely drained and weak as a newborn colt but this little illness, as with all things, work together for good for me because I love the Lord and am called according to His purpose. (Heather version of Romans 8:28)

My body was giving out and I needed a break. I knew I was coming up against a brick wall. I felt myself hitting that wall Tuesday when I had to go get Austin from school... and instead of banging my head against the wall...I  rested.

You have to balance optimism and determination with reality. The reality is that I have a few medical conditions that restrict my energy level and ability to push through.

I look at status updates on facebook from people like my friend Barbie who works a half dozen jobs, keeps her housework done, is a social butterfly and works with breast cancer awareness groups because she is a breast cancer survivor. She is a ball of energy. She is like... an alternative energy source... Barbie power!

Or like the note my friend Sarah posted on Facebook talking about "I don't know how she does it"... and how Sarah does it as a full time working single mom of five. FIVE! I really DON'T know how she does it. But as she says, she does it because she doesn't have a choice, she's the mom!

Nor do I know how I did it when it was just me and three. Kate Plus 8 was entertaining to watch but she had helpers. Me plus 3 had helpers too... my mom was my co-pilot, for sure... whatever I couldn't do, Mawmaw did. Whatever Mawmaw couldn't do, there was a gay man nearby who could step in. It was a logistical nightmare at times but we figured it out. But then, I didn't have those crazy brick walls that I run into now... fibromyalgia, chronic back pain, osteoarthritis, COPD, and so on and so forth.

So today, having rested most of yesterday, I don't feel great but I am able to go forth and conquer. I'm taking two things off my to-do list - the doctors appointment at 1:30 (because I don't want to miss any more hours off of this paycheck) and the sleep study at 9pm. Quite honestly... I don't have the energy to do a sleep study, which sounds a little contradictory... but I know that I will not sleep right and will be tired and being sick on top of being me has left me with an even lower energy reserve and I still have Friday to get through this week plus a nearly one hour drive there and back. Not doable this week.

PLUS... I didn't plan ahead well enough to line someone up to be responsible for making sure Austin gets to school.

I settled the DISH issue yesterday on my day off. They're paid and happy. They're out of my internet bundle so I'm happy. I delivered the clothes to the Super Consignment Sale and although I don't stand to earn a fortune for selling the stuff I can't fit into anymore... I'm at least going to make a few bucks from it PLUS those sixty seven items of clothing are no longer crowding my space. The preview sale is tonight and only people who have items in the sale and those who are working at the sale are invited to the preview. I'm hoping I can find a low bookshelf for the cat perch/storage space and a shelf for my teacups and teapots... and a few items of clothing for me and Auggie.

Other than that one extra curricular activity, I'll go to work and hopefully not face too much wrath for not being able to go yesterday. I'll catch up and work as hard as I can and give it my best shot and thank the Lord for everything He allows me to find the strength to do... and trust Him to fill in the blanks for what I can't do.

This thankful Thursday I'm grateful that He fills in the blanks for me. I'm grateful for everything I can do... and I'm grateful for everything I can't do. I'm grateful for the peace I find when I hit those brick walls. I don't get discouraged or frustrated. It is what it is. Anything I can't do... I wasn't appointed to do that day or in that time. I'm content with the fact that my floor needs vacuuming. I'm resolved to accept my best as good enough. I'm at peace...

Hope you have a great day!