freaky friday. not really.

I'm suffering from a serious lack of creativity today. Maybe it's because I stayed up too late... nearly midnight... maybe it's because I can't have coffee this morning... nothing to eat or drink until after my procedure... maybe I'm slightly anxious about going under the .. uh.. needle again. Or maybe I'm just burned out. I mean, surely you know that I'm not always chatty, right?

I'm actually... to be perfectly honest... apprehensive about today. Not fearful, really. I have a very clear perspective that God is completely in control of what is happening and that ... if God is allowing it in my life, there is a real, clear, definite purpose for this situation. The apprehension comes from the limitations that I know I will deal with in the next day or two. It's almost worse since my experience last time was unpleasant.

So why do another injection? The treatment plan that the pain clinic lined up for me was to try two different types of injections... one was an epidural injection into the spinal canal, the second was into the joints of the spine. I won't bore you with all the medical mumbo jumbo, mainly because I'm not one hundred percent clear on it all... but according to Dr. Google, doing the two different types of injections and observing what, if any, relief they provide helps doctors make a more definite diagnosis and also helps understand which condition is causing pain. To recap... my diagnosis includes;

• osteoarthritis
• degenerative disc disease
• bulging discs
• spondylolisthesis, possibly "unstable'
• spinal stenosis

I think that's all... they can all be painful... and they can all exist without causing pain. The big mystery (to me) is what caused the pain to start back in January because ALL of these things are progressive. What was the tipping point? And why, with all the various and assundry things we've tried, why hasn't the pain ever stopped? Not one day. It changes (as I described in a previous entry) but there is always some pain somewhere from my ribs down to my toes... sometimes it's just a mild nagging aggravation. Sometimes it takes my breath away.

At any rate... today I'll jump thru another hoop in the diagnostic/treatment process. On Monday I'll see the neurosurgeon and see what hoops he has for me to jump through. I'm discouraged and weary but by no means defeated and honestly... for the most part... it's just something I've learned to live with. I have moments of frustration when I can't get comfortable or when i need to do something that I can't do without pain and I get aggravated with my limitations... but I laughed yesterday as I was leaving work at the thought of how God created me in a way that is PERFECT for these circumstances. I'm a person who is not terribly "results" driven. I'm perfectly content with mediocrity. I've never been an overachiever. I don't need to be on the go all the time... as a matter of fact... I love spending time in my nest. I love people but am not terribly sociable. So... if anyone was going to deal with a months long bout with back pain that restricted their outside activity, I'm perfect for it.

No doubt about it. I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

I'm continuing my quest to memorize the 139th Psalm. Today I start working on the 8th verse. Here's what I know so far (this is typed from memory) (most of it, anyways, I had to peek)

You have searched me Lord and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise.

You perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down.

You are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue, you know it completely, O Lord.

You hem me in behind and before. You have laid your hand upon me.

such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

where can I go from your spirit?

where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there.

If I got down to the depths, you are there.

That is thru verse 8.

So anyways... that's my story today. It's time to wake the sleeping boy and send him off to school... then grab a shower so I can at least start the weekend with clean hair. I may end up with "third day hair' by the end of the weekend, but that's ok. Stubby doesn't mind.

Hope you have a great friday! Love and hugs, y'all!