thankful Thursday perspective....

There are days that the world just seems mad.

I just saw a new story about a $ 600k statue of a fairy riding a toad that was supposed to go into a military installation outside Washington DC.

I may not be an economic genius or anything... but one thing I know about balancing a budget is that when you can't pay the power bill, you don't buy new decor for the house... because without power, nobody will see it.

That principle should apply on a larger scale as well, right? I mean... if you're in debt to such a degree that it exceeds the entire earnings of everyone alive... (ok, that may be an exaggeration but not by much)... you can't afford $600k fairy statues for... milatary bases.

Maybe that's a way of making up for the whole "don't ask- don't tell" thing?

I don't know.

I'm slightly grumpy this morning.

I woke up to the delightful sound of a thunderstorm outside... grateful that I slept with my window open...

But man... I have such a sinus headache...

And today I have that whole nerve conduction test which... I've successfully freaked myself out about by reading everything I can find on google about it.

Everything says, "causes some discomfort to the patient" and variations on that theme.

See... cause... how it has to work is... I go to work, I leave and have the test done, I go back to work.

Therefore it must not impair my ability to do so.

I'm just anxious. The longer this process continues, the more weary and wary I become.
I cried at two different doctor appointments on Monday. I feel like such an idiot when I do that... it's like they immediately relegate you to "emotional female" status and completely ignore everything you have to say.

Of course... at some point... these doctors need to realize that they have some skin in the game and their reluctance/inability to fix this problem is greatly impacting my life.

Told you I was a little grumpy.

Austin is doing things he shouldn't do. I'll leave it at that. He is definitely impacting my stress level and taking terrible advantage of my inability to "jerk a knot in his head"... which is what he needs.

Honestly... I'm at the point of crawling into bed and pulling the covers over my head and letting the lights be turned off and letting the sheriffs department come and throw us out... it's hurt so bad for so long... I'm working so hard just to stay where I am and watching my kid stumble through life like it's one big party with no tomorrow.

Yesterday on the way to work I suddenly realized a convoy of emergency vehicles coming up behind me. I pulled off the road... (this is what you do in the country on two lane roads)... this process continued two more times... I believe every emergency vehicle in the county was headed to this... whatever it was... then I came upon it... a truck had veered off the road and crashed into a house. As I drove by I witnessed someone collapsing on the lawn... not sure if they were involved in the accident or shocked by the carnage or what... I still don't know exactly what happened but I was pretty sure I was guaranteed to have a better day than those folks.

And ultimately... sometimes that's the best we can do in the way of gratitude is to realize that no matter how dark the night, no matter how violent the storm... if we pull the covers back from over our heads long enough... we'll realize that there's always someone who's going through something worse. Sometimes that person is us, at a previous time in our lives... and it's a matter of validating our own growth by saying, "you know... this ain't fun but it ain't near as bad as ...." fill in the blank. I can't help but believe that God allows us to go through different things at different times as a way of exercising our ability to deal. I also think He allows us to bear witness to the suffering of others both to help carry their burdens but also to give us perspective on how "not so bad" our light and momentary troubles really are, know what I mean?

So that's what I'm thankful for this week... perspective. May God always allow me to see the needs of others above/beyond/instead of/in addition to... whatever He allows in my life... and may whatever He allows in my life make me better at everything He calls me to do.

Love and hugs.