My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

newsday tuesday


It was a dark and stormy night in Georgia...

"that's the night that the lights went out in Georgia..." Did you know that song was recorded by Vicki Lawrence? The same goofy, lady from the Carol Burnett show... "Mama" from Mama's Family... I never saw her as a singer but that was definitely a hit. Around here anyways.

I tried to watch the old southern classic suspense film, "Deliverance" on Sunday. I've seen bits and pieces but have never been able to watch it all the way through. Deliverance is about four men who take a canoe trip down a fictional Georgia river and encounter some fairly evil inbred Jeds who make their lives VERY uncomfortable. I couldn't see it through again. I read the wikipedia recap and knew I wouldn't be able to stomach it.

I like movies that are a relaxing, pleasant trip away for me mentally... not something that gets me all stirred up and stressed out.

I have Friday circled on my calendar to go see Soul Surfer with my friends Cyndi and Alisa and their sweet daughters. I'm looking forward to that one... there's some stress in it but it has a happy ending. And I love all those ladies and can't wait to spend time with them.

Austin got caught in a major lie last night... and he did none of the things that I "encouraged" him to do to be able to earn his phone refill for the month. I will not cave on this one. If he makes no effort to earn the extras, I'll make no effort to stretch my budget to accomodate his wants.

He texted me a couple dozen times yesterday claiming his stomach was upset and he needed to be checked out of school... and when that didn't work he started claiming he was in pain. I told him there was no way I could leave. (because I didn't want to) and he asked if Uncle Bubba could get him and I told him I had checked with Bubba and couldn't leave either (because I told him not to).

Maybe my level of compassion has diminished as I have lived and worked and kept our household running pretty much on my own for the past three months despite sometimes unbearable pain.

Also... at age 17... I had quite a bit more responsibility than he does... I was never a straight A student, not because I didn't have the ability to be but because it just didn't matter to me... but I went to school (most of the time) and I conducted myself appropriately (other than that one time my senior year that I got detention hall for being tardy because I sat in the car until the rain stopped so that my hair wouldn't get messed up). We didn't have a DRYER until I was 16 and it was my chore to get in all the clothes from the line every day. I had to do dishes frequently and care for my little brothers and so on and so forth and I certainly never had all the treats and perks and cash handouts that he gets. If I wanted something special, I took my little income from working at the laundrymat to pay for it. And by special... I mean my clothes, makeup, dinners out with friends, anything and everything I did, I paid for. He has no clue. And I'm weary of dealing with it.

Did you see Dancing with the Stars last night? Poor Kirstie and Maks... at one point he was sort of supporting her weight and sliding her across the dance floor and his legs gave out. He was such a gentleman about it and said it was just a muscle cramp and it wasn't Kirstie's fault but it was just obvious that she was too heavy for him. I felt so bad for them both. She is really pushing herself... I mean... she's sixty years old and overweight and really REALLY hanging in there with the fit and trim twenty-somethings. I hope Maks isn't hurt too badly.

My pain has really been increasing over the past couple of days. This is so unlike anything I have ever dealt with. You get injured... and the injury heals and in a few weeks you're good as new. This is not healing. It is not getting better. The pain is intensifying. The meds that I'm on - a muscle relaxer and a nerve interceptor - are not providing adequate pain relief. When I stand, sit, or lie down, it feels like my spine is going to explode. It is more than pain, it's pressure. I don't know if that's the bulging discs or the spinal stenosis (the narrowing of the spinal canal) but it's almost impossible to get comfortable. The most comfortable position is in my recliner but even then, the muscle spasms are painful.

I just want to get all the doctors and nurses and nurse practitioners and physicians assistants and physical therapists... all in one room together and say, "FIX IT!!! I have paid you good money, I have followed your instructions, you have given me more radiation in the past three months than the guys trying to fix the nuclear plant in Japan... and I am still in pain and the pain is getting worse. MAKE IT BETTER!!!"

I guess you could say that it's getting to me. Please keep me in your prayers.

And now it's Tuesday... lots more week ahead... trying to keep my focus so that I can be an effective salesperson and increase my income... trying to keep things in order here at home, make sure the bills are paid, make sure I keep a positive balance in the checking account, keep the unruly teen from completely dropping out of life (like his friend)... it's... it's alot for one person to deal with sometimes. God has been good... He has provided and he has comforted me through the love of so many wonderful people. It's amazing how much love is shown to me on a daily basis. It keeps me going...

Hope you have a wonderful Tuesday and I hope whatever your "pain" is... that God is providing you with the same love and comfort that I feel... love and hugs!

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