i make a difference... i bet you do too...

What is UP with the anchor babes on CNN that have to screech at the camera? (Nancy Grace, Jane Velez-Mitchell)

I love how bi-polar Nancy Grace is... she'll be screaming "unleash the lawyers" and in the next breath she goes into her soft, sympathetic voice, "thank you, friend"... cracks me up. I wish I could imitate her. I do it for the cat but he is unimpressed.

And seriously, can't CNN get someone more articulate than Vinnie Politan? Who, don't get me wrong, seems to be a nice enough fellow but geez... he gets so tongue tied that he makes me a nervous wreck.

Yesterday instead of saying, "thank you for the call" he said, "thank you for the skull" while they were discussing the photos of Kaylee's remains.

I am crazy about Judge Belvin Perry, though. He does this thing where he purses his lips when he's thinking... and it reminds me of Bear. He always did that... sort of like an unintentional pucker.

Btw, Casey, if I saw my baby's skull in the woods, I'd get sick too.

Change of subject. It bothers me to see all these "medicare will pay for it" commercials for medical products and services. Hoveround.

My dizziness is lingering. Frustrating. Had a few nose bleeds this week. The lovely tachycardia. I'm not well. At least that's what Google says. I really honestly just don't feel well. I don't feel like I can get a good breath. I'm sick to my stomach. And I'm too stubborn to go sit in an ER and wait for them to figure out what's wrong.

I go back to the pain doctor on Monday so I'll have another reliable blood pressure reading soon.

I've got to tell you... five months of relentless back pain... it's getting to me. Not in a "goodbye cruel world" kind of way... but in a "curl up in a ball and wait for the men in white coats" kind of way. I'm just weary. Everything takes so much effort. I know my co-workers look at me as a part-timer and I'm trying so hard not to be... there have been several times this past week where I've almost said, "somebody call 9-1-1" because I felt like I was going to pass out. I just sit quietly and let it pass.

Oh, one more thing about Vinnie Politan... he's a Jersey boy and although I'm not a fan of *most* Jersey girls ... except a few... :waves to Jeanne and Diane:.... I am partial to Jersey boys. :waves to Dean:

I survived infidelity (not my own) with a Jersey boy and he will always hold a special place in my heart.

I got notice yesterday - a little business card on my door - that the Sheriff's office has civil papers waiting for me. Since I'm already divorced, I know it can't be that. I imagine it's some creditor that I haven't paid fast enough.

Not to be Debbie Downer or anything but ... it feels like the good kids are the ones who get penalized. I could have easily given up and become a burden to society when Michael and I split up. I could have stayed in the nut house... gotten a diagnosis that would have allowed me to go on disability... given up on raising my kid... gone on medicaid... but I didn't. I found a home and a job and kept going boldly - if blindly - forward and have pieced together a life as best I could. Lonely at times... but I've been a responsible, contributing member of society. At least I've tried to be. I've had my lights cut off. My water cut off. My car repossessed. And I've kept on going. I've been in so much pain that I spend my lunch hour begging God for the strength to finish a work day. Austin's dad has paid about half his court ordered amount of support, volunteered no involvement in his kids' life, left me to deal with all the drama and struggle of raising him... and I just keep getting up, day after day, week after week, and pushing through, paying what I can, praying for the rest. I have endured rejection after rejection from potential suitors... and come across others who made me feel like loneliness was a much better choice than hitching my wagon to their rising/falling star.

I'm tired. I'm just plain tired.

So today I'll call the sheriff's office and find out who has filed suit against me and try to figure out a way to beat this too.

I know that God won't give us more than we can handle but I think sometimes He overestimates my ability.

Ok... and here's the other side of the coin.

About two months ago I met with a lady who had lost her husband suddenly and unexpectedly. I helped her adjust her property and casualty policies. I showed her a life policy that would help her family take care of things in the event of her premature death. We talked about her future. We talked about her needs. She left the office - I think - feeling ok about things.

After that meeting I realized that the last name was the same as another client that I had been working with. I emailed her... confirmed the relationship... offered my condolences for her loss and began helping her through a similar evaluation.

Yesterday, while glancing thru a list I get from the post office of people who have moved, I saw this lady's name on the list. I decided to give her a call and see how things were going. I found a note in her computer file from one of my co-workers who had taken a call from a lady in Tennessee who had found this lady's cellphone and apparently, it was in a little phone wallet that included her auto insurance card. The phone number we had on file was for THAT phone and she had already moved so my co-worker didn't know how to reach her.

BUT I DID! I knew the email address of her relative... I sent her a quick email and two minutes later this lady was on the phone SO RELIEVED to be able to retrieve her phone and the other items with it.

I was nauseous. Dizzy. Exhausted. My back felt like someone was pushing a hot poker into my spine. Yet... I made a difference by being able to connect the dots to get this lady's phone back to her. I made a difference.

And that, my friends, is how I keep going on. Knowing that I am uniquely gifted to be able to impact my world. There is nobody else who can do the job that I am purposed to do... and I don't mean necessarily in the business realm. My job is just the platform God has placed me on for this season of time in order to be His hands and feet in that place. It is not just my ministry... it is my destiny.

My new laptop battery and power cord have revolutionized my laptop.

I could use a new battery and power cord for myself! But for now... I'll grab a shower... glam up for another day... give the kitty cat some num nums and yubs... have my usual intercessory prayer time on the way to work... and just rejoice for the things that God is going to use me to do today.
love and hugs, y'all.