I'm held...

I've been a lousy blogger this week. It's unintentional. I need to get a new power cord for my laptop because the connection is spotty. And I think I need a new battery because if it's not plugged in, it immediately dies. But I'm not spending any money on any indulgences, no matter how much I love my laptop, until my car is paid off.

I'm making progress. I know my dad and my other mother Linda, in Virginia are both happy to hear that. For practically the whole time we've lived here I've been a day late and a dollar short. Literally. One by one I've been bringing my financial obligations in line where they're paid in the month they're due... by their due date... instead of at the last second right before they're cut off or taken away. The biggest problem in living that way... which is not even paycheck to paycheck... it's like living paycheck to... the next two paychecks to just meet the needs for this paycheck. Stressful, people. I'm tellin' ya. And I know many of you can relate to what I'm saying. This week... paying June rent IN June. Paying the whole balance due on my satellite bill instead of what I have to pay to keep it from being cut off. This stuff makes me feel accomplished and... well... like a grown up.

And ever so slightly this week, I'm seeing progress with my back. Finally. It's still painful by the end of the work day but it's not the kind of pain that spills over in tears the second I get in the car. I don't want to say this too loudly but... I am getting better!

My addiction this week has been the Casey Anthony trial. I soak up every minute of it that I can. In a way... it's a bit of a brain teaser because the prosecution is trying to present Casey as this cold and heartless mother because she was partying while her child was missing. BUT... the defense said that Casey knew the little girl wasn't missing, she knew Caylee was already dead. Granted, she wasn't behaving like a grieving mother should... but it feels like they're presenting it from the wrong angle. At least from my position as an armchair litigator. (spelling?) Wonder if my brother Bryan is watching this process? I guess his clients are a bit more sophisticated since he's more in corporate law and not this he said/she said criminal stuff.

My Uncle Bill sent me an email (a week ago but I just never read my aol email, y'all) telling me that I remind him of his maternal grandmother... my great-grandmother, Mary Alice Ray Jackson. Apparently she was a bit opinionated... and vocal. I barely remember her. I was very young when she died... probably a preschooler. I just remember that my big brother Jim was afraid of her. Jim was rather timid as a child. Much like Sarabeth. I love hearing stories about my ancestors. I spent my time with grandma last weekend just soaking up every detail she shared about her family and her life. I feel a burden to carry forward the family history... and I believe that Sarabeth and Jamie will be the ones to pull these details forward to the next generation because they're so fascinated with stories of their dad growing up. Although... they don't know the stories are about their dad because he refers to himself as "Billy Bob".

From the Narcissist Files... John Edwards is facing charges for his deception surrounding his baby mama and the money he put toward her upkeep and to reimburse his friend for falling on the sword for him. And then there's Weiner-gate... which... I just don't even know what to say about that whole deal. I mean... I saw the photo. It was no more obscene than the David Beckham underwear ads. But I suppose it would be inappropriate for a married man to send to a young woman. What gets me is that Weiner could have just said, "It's not me"... and instead he just kept saying, "I didn't send it". Just like Bishop Eddie Long who would never respond to the charges brought against him by the young men in his congregation... he would never say, "I didn't do it". I know what pictures of me are available on the internet... and I would recognize my drawers. I'm sure of it. And if I didn't do something I was accused of doing... I'd shout it loud and proud.

Rush Limbaugh made a great point this week in his show. We are in a generation where men in leadership positions are no longer honorable. Men who are honorable avoid public office because the political arena is such a dirty place. I don't want Sarah Palin to run for President - or even Vice President, not because I don't think she could do the job but because I don't want to bear witness to the character assassination that accompanies a campaign. My word... we've had three years of listening to Obama blame Bush for every mistake, every foolish plan he's put into place. I believe George Bush was an honorable man... not a perfect man... but a man who acted from a position of genuinely good intentions.

It's a crazy world out there. On one hand... I grieve for our country and our society for the financial mistakes, the selfishness, the generation of people that have been raised up to not respect human life, to not pay what is owed, to borrow against tomorrow... On the other hand, as an evangelical Christian, I believe that it's just what has to happen before Christ returns.

I was thinking about how many people in the world are suffering at this very moment... from jobless to people who have survived earthquakes and tsunamis, to people in war torn countries with violent dictators in charge, to people who are dying from this eColi deal in Europe. I'm sitting here in my cozy little nest and I'm comfortable. I'm not strong enough to run a marathon (actually, a trip thru Ingles set off a round of muscle spasms the other day)... and I'm certainly by no means rich... but the air conditioning works and my kid is (I think) safe and my other kids are (I think) happy and successful and I am loved and living in an amazingly beautiful part of the world and... well, I'm almost insulated from the kind of hardship and devastation and grief that so many are feeling right now. Let it never be said of me that I took this life for granted. I am blessed. And although my heart is heavy for the evil that's out there ... I'm so thankful for how God has held me in the shadow of His hand.

I hope that wherever you are, whatever you're facing, that you also feel that same protection. I pray that you are loved... that you are at peace... that you are comfortable and content. And I pray that none of us forgets how many people in this world would love to trade places with us.

Have a great weekend, y'all!