My People

My People
My matched set of grandchildren - Oliver and Cosette

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Liar Liar Pants on Fire...

Whatever happened to honesty? Casey Anthony. Anthony Weiner. John Edwards. Just this week, these three are in the news for intentional "misrepresentation of facts". We don't even call a lie, a lie. We use fancy terminology like "misrepresentation" "omission" "exaggeration" ... etc.. but at the end of the day... we've become a generation who doesn't know the truth.

For myself... I tend to err more on the side of "too much information" although I am known for exaggeration for dramatic purposes, not necessarily for the sake of dishonesty. But I guess that's kind of the point... we've blurred the lines so extensively that it's hard to know if we're being tactful or protective or dramatic or ... whatever we consider our deception.

I guess... you have to really think about what the consequences of your lie would be. If a friend asks, "do these jeans make me look fat?" and you say, "NOOo... you look fabulous!" when she look ten feet wide... are you protecting her or causing her false confidence? If someone calls for a co-worker who is in the potty... and you KNOW they're going to be awhile (maybe they took reading material with them...)... and you say, "they stepped away from their desk for a few minutes"... are you being dishonest by not sharing the biological truth of the matter?

I don't always expound entirely on the issues facing Austin and myself to protect him from potential consequences. Is my omission a lie? As a blogger, if I don't completely expound the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, is that a lie? What does it hurt you to NOT know every dirty little detail of my life? Do I have that obligation that because I share part of the story, that I have to tell the whole story? Do you owe ANYONE the whole story?

I think about the lack of intimacy in my marriage with Michael... and I don't mean the physical stuff... I mean just knowing about the details of the struggles he was facing financially and professionally. Even if none of the other stuff had happened... it was completely impossible for us to be one because he withheld so much of himself from me. And conversely... my friends and family were unable to console me and comfort me in my disappointments and fears because I was - partially by my own pride and partially because of Michael's - not sharing the truth behind what was going on.

For me... personally and professionally... I try to be as transparent as possible with MY truth. In as much as I can discuss things without compromising someone else... I will be open and honest. I believe that it's thru my vulnerability that I am best able to minister to others. Yet, I will also tell you that the deeper something hits me, the less likely I am to talk/blog about it. My problem is that I forget stuff... and so it's easier to just be honest then try to juggle lies.

I've had friends who were notoriously dishonest in all walks of their life. One thing you can pretty much take as gospel: if you have a friend who will lie to a creditor about why they didn't pay their bill, they will lie to you about why they can't go to dinner with you. Dishonesty is a cancer. It spreads throughout your life. If you get away with one lie... you're more apt to lie again and again.

I have enjoyed raising a child with Aspergers because ... for the most part... Austin doesn't have the filter that most people have intuitively that cautions them not to share every thought that crosses their mind. His honest view of the world and his honesty with me about the things that happen in his life is refreshing. He is, however, extremely intelligent and he has learned by trial and error and life experience, which things he has to hide to protect his own hide.

Do you make honesty YOUR policy? How important is transparency in your relationships?

Time to glam and dash, honestly... love and hugs!