My People

My People
My matched set of grandchildren - Oliver and Cosette

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

newsday tuesday, i've got the blues day...

Got woke up by a lightning strike at 1:30am. It was close enough that it flipped the breaker. Scary stuff, indeed.

Pain is off the charts today. I'm really super crazy unbelievably uncomfortable. I am beginning to understand how people with chronic pain do crazy things like doctor shop, take too much medication, hold up pharmacies, take illegal drugs... there are times (like today) that pain makes me totally irrational. Not that I'm about to do any of those things. I'm just saying I understand.

The word for the day is "empathy"...

I'm in need of compassion. This experience... the whole chronic pain deal... is changing my heart and changing my perspective on so many things. In the same way that the heartbreak of my last marriage changed my heart. Apparently, God needs me to be a person who is able to understand the struggles of others. Ok, God, I'm here... use me.

I look back over my life and see so many times that I wanted people to just shut up and deal with it... when all they needed was someone to care... and that person, far too often, wasn't me. That whole "eyeroll" "whatever" "put on your big girl panties and deal with it" attitude doesn't reflect the heart of Christ, does it? I mean... it's one thing to encourage someone... but sometimes the way you encourage is to sit with someone in their place of pain and discouragement. Like Job's friends did.

Be sure your words are not bitter, for one day you may have to eat them.

I don't know what I'll do today... how I'll do today. I'm weary. Today it just seems like it's too much to bear. Life doesn't grade on a curve. In other words... even if I'm giving my best in the midst of extreme pain... if my best isn't as good as someone else's best, then I'm not doing enough. I don't want to miss more work, I don't want to put my job at risk, not that there has been any threat of that but... common sense... you have to show up. And I really can't afford to take another short paycheck. But right now... I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to walk to the shower. It's that bad today.

So. Anyways. That's the deal today. Gotta go give it an honest attempt. Sorry to be Debbie Downer. Love and hugs.


lisa said...

Heather, DO NOT APOLOGIZE. Anyone,if there is such a person, and knowing some from Jland, there may be some mean people out there....but just open your heart and keep blogging. You have my compassion and empathy. I went thru 15 months of hell on earth with a medical issue and had to work FT....some days i wanted to just give up and barely seemed to survive. No one should have to be in pain constantly and i am truly sorry you are in pain. I pray SOMEHOW you are able to get relief and FAST.

hugs to you


Adirondackcountrygal said...

Do you see a pain specialist? This doesn't seem right to be in so much pain. It seems something can be done. I've seen people with pain pumps inserted in them, granted they all had MS and were in wheelchairs but there has to be something... I'll be praying..

Laurie said...

I am so sorry you are in pain, but you are still funny!!!! Thank you for the idea of having people look right about the camera! Great tip! I will be trying this!
I will lift up a prayer for you right now!