Got woke up by a lightning strike at 1:30am. It was close enough that it flipped the breaker. Scary stuff, indeed.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Pain is off the charts today. I'm really super crazy unbelievably uncomfortable. I am beginning to understand how people with chronic pain do crazy things like doctor shop, take too much medication, hold up pharmacies, take illegal drugs... there are times (like today) that pain makes me totally irrational. Not that I'm about to do any of those things. I'm just saying I understand.
The word for the day is "empathy"...
I'm in need of compassion. This experience... the whole chronic pain deal... is changing my heart and changing my perspective on so many things. In the same way that the heartbreak of my last marriage changed my heart. Apparently, God needs me to be a person who is able to understand the struggles of others. Ok, God, I'm here... use me.
I look back over my life and see so many times that I wanted people to just shut up and deal with it... when all they needed was someone to care... and that person, far too often, wasn't me. That whole "eyeroll" "whatever" "put on your big girl panties and deal with it" attitude doesn't reflect the heart of Christ, does it? I mean... it's one thing to encourage someone... but sometimes the way you encourage is to sit with someone in their place of pain and discouragement. Like Job's friends did.
Be sure your words are not bitter, for one day you may have to eat them.
I don't know what I'll do today... how I'll do today. I'm weary. Today it just seems like it's too much to bear. Life doesn't grade on a curve. In other words... even if I'm giving my best in the midst of extreme pain... if my best isn't as good as someone else's best, then I'm not doing enough. I don't want to miss more work, I don't want to put my job at risk, not that there has been any threat of that but... common sense... you have to show up. And I really can't afford to take another short paycheck. But right now... I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to walk to the shower. It's that bad today.
So. Anyways. That's the deal today. Gotta go give it an honest attempt. Sorry to be Debbie Downer. Love and hugs.
Posted by Heather at 6:52 AM