My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Sunday, May 24, 2009

babysitting

Babysitting should be harder. I remember it being much more unpleasant. But for some reason, babysitting Jamie is enjoyable. She's glued to my hip, in the same way that Stubby usually is... she's watching Dora the Explorer and I'm on my laptop. Every now and then we take a break to take pictures of ourselves. It's a hard knock life... breakfast for Jamie was poptarts with cookie dough ice cream and chocolate syrup for dessert. Breakfast for Aunt Heather was the usual fruit and yogurt parfait from Mickey D's.

Sarabeth loved the flipflops. Some are waaaay too big. They will be used, I'm sure, for playing dress up and the way these girls are growing, they'll fit within the next year. Sarabeth asked if she could take a pair to Stasha, a young lady at our church who babysits for them quite a bit. I was like, "YES!" Sarabeth gets it... the whole generousity thing... I'm so proud! I don't care if she gives away everything I give her... there is so much joy in giving... I want her to feel that joy as much as I want her to enjoy the surprises.

Jamie is going to get a puzzle for us to put together. She said she has one that is really american. I'm not sure what that means but we'll give it a shot. Her daddy told her (joking) that we were going to Six Flags while they are gone so she asks me about every twenty minutes when we're going to Six Flags. I would love to take them. I would not love to take a sick child to Six Flags in the rain, however, so today is not the day. She couldn't find the american puzzle so we're doing this jungle game that is electronic.

Out of the mouths of babes... the jungle game tells where the animals live... all of the jungle animals (of course) live in Africa. I said, "Have you ever been to Africa?" She said, "No, but my mommy and my daddy have been to Africa" I said, "why did they go to Africa?" She said, "To get shots". I said, "No, they get shots to be able to go to Africa, but WHY do they go to Africa?" She said, "I have no idea!" It was so cute. Now they're talking about trains on Dora. Jamie says, "I love trains but when I rode the train one time it said, Chugga-chugga-chugga - wooo-wooo and the wooo-wooo part was too loud and it hurt my ears". She cracks me up!

Once my babysitting duty is finished I'm planning a quiet nap in the nest. It's good sleeping weather and I haven't been able to get to sleep the past two nights. I'm glad that I'm having trouble sleeping on nights that I don't have to get up for work the next day but it's still no fun to not be able to sleep.

Miss Thang now wants a ham and cheese sandwich. Looks to me like she's on the mend!

I talked to my friend Cory last night. I just love him to pieces! I've been so anti-social lately that I can't stand to talk on the phone beyond what's absolutely necessary. Cory called to let me know he's coming up to work on my honey-do list. I have a lot of guys and guy friends and guy relatives in my life but I don't have any that are willing/able to take care of these sort of things. Most of the guys in my life are long distance or work all the time or both. Cory is just a blessing... always has been... and it was good to talk to him.

Then I chatted with Miss Sarah and that was also good. She asked about Dean and I have to tell you, honestly, that i haven't talked to Dean lately. I believe his divorce is final. I think Andrea is still in Jacksonville and Michael tells me that he's in Arizona so if they are still involved, I guess it's a long distance relationship. I don't know and don't want to know. I would say that I don't care, but I do care. If Michael used that relationship just as an escape hatch from our marriage, that makes it all incredibly sad - for all of us - but especially for Dean's kids. If Michael is still involved with her, that's also sad - to have sacrificed so much to have no more of a relationship than that. Not only that but Bobby needs a mom. Not one that Michael talks to on the phone a dozen times a day... he needs the kind of mom that I was to him... library and pool and ice cream and pb&j and watching tv and going to the beach and teaching him things and sharing stories and being excited for his little victories and caring if he had clean clothes and matching socks...

The other day I tried to imagine what I would feel if I saw Michael. The unfortunate conclusion I came to is that I would feel fear. That's the overriding emotion - fear. I wish that wasn't the case. I don't trust him. I don't trust his motives. I fear that he will say things to hurt me and do things to hurt me. I wish I could feel excitement about seeing him - afterall, I do miss him. I miss a lot of things about our relationship. But I don't know how to erase the fear of hurt where he is concerned.

My Jamie-gurl is advocating a trip to Six Flags since it's stopped raining. I told her we need to not go anywhere where she will be around other little children because she might make them sick. She suggested Disney World. She said, "well, where do you want to go?" I said, "New York City" she said, "but that's a very long way away". She knew that Uncle Bryan - the one with hair like hers - lives there. I offered to go for a drive but she only wants to go somewhere we are going to DO something. Silly girl!

I guess I need to stop blogging and find something for this silly girl to do. Hope you have a great Sunday! love and hugs!

Now we're watching Oswald the Octopus. This is the life!

1 comments:

Peaceful Epiphany said...

Fear is a good emotion to have at times. At least I think so. It makes you jump into action. If you DID have to see him, I know you would do the right thing. despite the fear.

Bobby: I actually thought about him the other day..in the aspect of of him not having a mom and how he is coping...with his siblings and how he is doing...how he is stepping up to the big brother role...motherless. How sad.