Not Me Monday

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I did NOT opt for the curly / no fuss hairstyle complete with tacky barrette this morning because I spent too much time on facebook to fix my hair.

And it was NOT ME who grabbed a razor on my way out the door and tried to tackle the most obvious long leg hairs instead of taking the time to actually shave my legs. Because who notices with my legs up under the desk all day, right?

I am not the one who was thankful that a co-worker brought Amish Friendship bread since I had completely forgotten to eat/bring breakfast and was trying to choke down a four day old fruit and yogurt parfait from McDonalds.

And I promise you that I didn't spend my lunch hour trying to think of a legitimate excuse that was not a TOTAL lie for not going back to the office this afternoon. I mean... my throat does hurt a little bit and if I thought about it long enough I could say that my head hurts and my stomach feels a little achey (maybe from the four day old yogurt). Instead... it's not me that's back at work but writing a blog entry.

There was someone in my house who broke her commitment to weigh every morning because they didn't want to get bad news on a Monday morning but it was not me. No, not me.

And I didn't sweep the crumbs off my bed last night and laugh out loud and say out loud to myself, "and you wonder why you're single..." Not me. I was not the one who ate oreos in bed Saturday night. I was not the one who ate day old boiled peanuts in bed last night and it could NOT have been me who ate flounder, broccoli and cheese casserole and mac & cheese in bed on Friday night. Certainly, that wouldn't have been me! And I definitely would never have pulled the breading off the flounder and fed it to the cat.

I didn't waste HOURS of time on facebook this weekend. I couldn't have been the one who didn't bother to so much as take the laundry out of the dryer last night because I didn't want to be bothered to fold it. I didn't walk out the door this morning without putting the beautiful roast I bought for dinner tonight in the crockpot. Who would be THAT disorganized? Not me! I wasn't the goofball who got locked out of her State Farm account for forgetting the answer to two of my three security questions. (Thank goodness I remembered the middle name of my youngest sibling!) I didn't JUST FINALLY get my name corrected on my checking account and then tell an exasperated customer service rep that name might be changing again. And she didn't tell me, "just leave it like it is - how bad could he have been?".

Duty calls.