My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

tuesday

I must say... I'm being very consistent about blogging lately... even though I can't really spend much time reading other blogs.

I slipped in the bathroom this morning while getting ready for work and landed weird on my right arm and hip. Joy oh joy. My balance has gotten really bad… I can tell it's time to get serious about weight loss again! And serious about Austin drying the floor after a shower. Brat. My right foot got twisted up between the wall and the toilet and I landed with most of my weight on my right wrist… which hurts like the dickens… so does my right elbow… and right shoulder… but nothing is broken, it's just sore. And I'm left handed so it shouldn't hamper me tooooo much. It's just an aggravation.

Austin has a new little girlfriend who lives two streets up from us. He wanted to go skating with her last night but… hmmm school night? Monday night? Night before the end of course test in Math? No… my mommy "not a great idea" radar went off. He was sorta grumpy about it at first but I said to him, "Austin. I don't think it's fair for you to be mean towards me when I'm having to make decisions about what is best for you. It's a big responsibility, it's a responsibility I carry completely by myself and it's never easy for me to not let you do what you want. But I'd rather make the right decision and have you mad at me than make a wrong decision just to keep you happy. If that was the case then you wouldn't need me at all". He calmed down about it. We made dinner together - spaghetti and garlic bread.

I'm counting down the days now until I get my laptop! I'm so excited! I've been trying to be really calm and not act like a kid counting down to Christmas but I'm really excited! I've made it this far… I tried checking email at Angie's over the weekend but I have so many and I couldn't really concentrate… I figured it would be one long internet weekend coming up - if I get it by the weekend. I've started making a list of things that I want to do when I have my laptop back. Ha! I even have the recliner in the living room set up for my comfort and convenience…

Ryan is coming through town this weekend. His agenda is pretty full…. Trying to see his long distance girlfriend, Marie, who I really adore. I picked her out for him when they were in fifth grade. They only started dating back in March. Sometimes it takes kids awhile, doesn't it? At any rate… if I see him, it will only be briefly.

What if my daughters in law ended up being Marie and Marquee? That's pretty funny. Like having a Tina and a Gina. Or something like that. Cody and Marquee are pretty focused on getting married. I adore Marquee. She's beautiful and smart and patient and giving. She'll keep Cody in line. I just want them to have a healthy foundation. I see so many dysfunctional marriages and so many marriages that don't survive and I just want to spare all of my children that sort of frustration or heartbreak. Of course, you know the old saying, "a son is a son until he takes a wife but a daughter's a daughter for all of her life". I've done - I think - a good job of letting mine out of the nest. The important thing now is creating relationships with their significant others that make them WANT to come home. Wherever home is. Who wants to drag a wife somewhere she hates to be? It's hardly worth it.

I always loved spending time with Michael's mom. She's highly educated and well spoken and witty and active. The only problem for me came when Michael became hypercritical and sensitive about the things I said in front of her. He could tease me. He could tease Austin. But if I teased him, especially in front of his family, I was disrespectful. We had a nasty fight about it over Thanksgiving while I was in Jacksonville. The thing is - his family, much like mine, are all smart people with sharp wit and they tease each other. I could either do the natural thing and join in the teasing or I could sit there like a stupid bump on a log to keep from offending him. I never found the balance. In the beginning of our relationship we would call his mom to help settle disagreements. Toward the end he didn't want to include mom… she would never have approved of what he was doing. She loves him, like any mama would and she understood, far better than I did (because he didn't tell me) what kind of stress he was under. She has stood by him and been a constant in his life and I'm grateful. I worry less about him knowing that he has a good mama.
When I get in my "go back and fix the past" machine, I always think about how IF Michael had let me know what he was going through, how I could have worked with him. I would have stood by him in everything. He just never let me on his team.

Oy. How does this stuff resurface at such odd times?

I'm really. Honestly. Truly. At a place of great peace. I feel tranquil. Rested. I won't say that I feel strong… because I'm probably more aware of my weaknesses than I've ever been. But being aware of weakness makes me aware of a need for a higher power… which, in itself makes me strong.

Today is a "counting the hours until time to go home" day. Six still to go. Hope you guys have a great day! Love and hugs!

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