My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Christmas with a dose of Jewish guilt

Happy Tuesday! I made it through a full day of work yesterday for the first time since December tenth. It wasn't easy... I was in a fair amount of pain... which can be distracting... and there were a few times I had to just lean back in my chair and catch my breath... but I did it. Sometimes... we just have to do the best we can with what we have, know what I mean?

If Christmas is a Christian holiday, why do I have all this Jewish mother type guilt? I just can't stop thinking about the things I haven't been able to do yet... and...

It seems like the only stories on the local news this morning were economically motivated... this charity or that charity not able to get enough donations to meet the demands. Gas prices going up. The county where we used to live has put an embargo on evictions until the end of the year. Local communities who are bankrupt. What happened? I'm not asking for a detailed explanation of economics (Miss Hansard cured me of caring beyond supply and demand back in Junior High School.... a little less bitter might have made the subject more interesting)... I'm just trying to figure out what happened to the Reagan generation of my teenage years. What happened to living within your means? What happened to people being able to support their family by working a 40 hour week? I had a talk with a co-worker yesterday who is struggling as much as I'm struggling... and it's discouraging... to be highly trained, licensed and skilled and still struggle so much.

Anyways... fighting bah humbugs... trying to do the best I can with what I have. Such limited resources of time, money, strength...

Austin has decided he very much wants to spend Christmas with his dad, which is very much ok with me. I think he's going to ride back to the southside with his grandparents after our Christmas Eve brunch so I won't have to make the drive down there. Of course, that puts me in the position of driving back down there at some point to retrieve him as his dad never ever ever has been willing to assist with the transport of the children. Right now... I don't have the strength to make a four hour round trip drive... maybe in a week. The last thing I want is for him to head down there and feel like he can't get back home... but I don't have another day off until the 31st.

Do you think I managed to get the Russian Tea Mix or the sausage balls made last night? Nope. I came home and crashed and was asleep before 9pm. Hoping to rally today. I picked up two more gifts on lunch yesterday... so I was going nonstop from 7am to 6pm... which was just too much. Today I have a lead on something I wanted to get for Marquee (my daughter in law)... and I have a couple of bills to take care of on lunch as well... so starting in about thirty seconds, I'm going to have another marathon day. Lord, help.

I don't want to skip Christmas. I don't want to have a bah humbug attitude. I want to appreciate the holy season but it just gets to be too much... more that needs to be done than I can possibly do.

Time to glam and dash... cue the starting gun... and SHE's OFF!

PS... ok... I've made a decision... Austin can either help with the Christmas prep or there will be a sausage ball embargo in our house. HA!

2 comments:

Kathy said...

Sometimes life just gets in the way of plans, hopes and dreams. But, you already know that the bumps smooth out over time and become a memory.

Hang in. One item, one chore, one little thing at a time.

Anonymous said...

Hey didnt you tell us there were a bunch of red flags with Next guy before he even bailed on you and now he shows up and your pretedding like the red flags werent there? It seems to me your doing what you said you didnt want to do and that was make a guy feel they can walk on you and you just let them right back in look at next guy he took a break from you without even telling you then he shows up and its ok with you and you wounder why men use you well dear you let them get a back bone! if I guy bails on you well then he is not interested but of course if your going to let him back in when he does that to you your the fool just saying!