My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Friday, May 4, 2012

Happy Friday. Ish.

Happy Friday, y'all! The weeks just fly by... but at the same time they drag. Does that make sense? I guess I gave up making sense a LONG time ago!

I have scanned in about a hundred pictures this week and have so many more still to go through. There is absolutely no organization in my photos (which won't surprise anyone who knows me in real life). When I was doing a lot of scrapbooking they would get scattered and piled and rescattered and repiled and consequently there is no rhyme or reason. It's been rather poignant to look at these photos at *this very time* of transition in my life... and it has been SO MUCH FUN to share them!

Austin announced yesterday that if I'm not able to find a job here... and if I have to move out of this area... he won't be going with me. His plan is to live with his married friend... you know, the one who is relatively homeless. Apparently he was expecting a major meltdown from me over this information. He seemed surprised and relieved by my response (or lack of response). I just said, "it's your life". And it is. Would it be a huge mistake for him to live with a man-child who bounces between his in-law's and his mother's house? Yep. Is it entirely insane for Austin, who has never earned a dime in his life, who still to this day doesn't shower or brush his teeth without my prompting, to strike out on his own without a job or any source or income, without a car or much less, a drivers license? Yes, it is absolute, pure folly. If I've learned nothing else in my nearly 26 years of parenting... sometimes you have to let kids figure things out for themselves. If I put up any resistance at all to Austin's plan, forever, for the rest of his life, any displeasure he has at his surroundings will be my fault. That's how his mind works.

In the past 24 hours I had to check Austin out of school because he had a migraine. I took time at the school to fill out the form that I had filled out and given him to take to school a week ago for reserved handicapped seating at graduation.  I had to take him to the dentist (even though he complained and saw no point in taking care of his cavities - or has he put it: "having my cavities taken out"). I had to fill out his HIPPA form, allowing the dentist office to discuss his appointments and payments, etc with me (now that he's 18) because he didn't understand the form and didn't know my phone number. I went to get him a big drink from Sonic for after his dental work was finished. I dug out my copy of his insurance card because he had no idea where his was. I washed his clothes and laid clothes out for him this morning (so he wouldn't wear dirty clothes, because he would). I reminded him to take a shower (because he really gets ripe and refuses to/forgets to wear deodorant). I woke him up for school this morning. Twice. I went into town to meet him  to take him ibuprofen for the headache that is still lingering + pain from the dental work he had yesterday. Somewhere between leaving home this morning and the time I took him ibuprofen he had managed to lose/waste the $7 I had given him for his weekly field trip out during his Catalyst class so I gave him more money. After school I will take him to his friend's house for him to spend the night so they can play xbox all night. I will send food because they never have food at the friend's house. Or air conditioning, which doesn't matter yet but it will this summer. Yet... he's old enough to live independently... right?

Sometimes I just shake my head. Frankly, it might do Austin a little good to have to figure things out for himself. Kids have a way of hearing everyone's voice except their parents'. Let him live somewhere else the way he's lived under my roof and let someone else go on recon missions to find all their missing silverware that ends up under his bed. Let someone else sort through the hoard he accumulates. Let him figure out how far minimum wage will stretch. He'll sink or swim. And... ultimately... I can barely take care of myself at this point. Let him carry his own weight for a bit. That doesn't mean that I wouldn't move heaven and earth to help him when he needs me. It just means that I long ago decided to not interject myself anywhere I'm not welcome.

Other than that... I got an official invitation to attend a DAR meeting. I have to take a copy of my birth certificate (which I have), a copy of my dad's birth certificate (which I don't have) and a copy of my grandmother's DAR application (which I have)  plus $135 registration fee to join. The lady who contacted me was very excited that my ancestor had been at Lexington (she inserted several exclamation points over this!!!) which, sadly, I don't know my Revolutionary War history well enough to quite appreciate, but I'll be googling it later. I'm not sure that the prestige of the DAR membership is something I can justify budget wise right now... but I do think that these kind of connections are important for me, especially as I embark on this new "empty nest" season of life. The truth is it just hurts too dang bad to do much of anything and even with adjusting the meds that my doctor thought were causing swelling and adding meds to take away the swelling, I'm still swelling up whenever my feet aren't elevated.

The temperature got borderline uncomfortable here yesterday and I *almost* turned on the a/c. Right now it's 75 degrees outside and it's really not bad in our house. I imagine the a/c will have to come on in the next week but I'm delighted that we have made it this far without it. I've been avoiding using the dryer except in early morning and that helps. The other thing is that the cats really love sitting in the window and they don't enjoy it nearly as much when the windows are closed. It's all about the cats, you know?

Oh, that's the other thing... Austin wants to take Stubby the three legged cat with him when he moves. It's not that I'm attached to Stubby (ok, maybe a little)... but that cat would have been dead long, long ago if he had to depend on Austin to feed him. Trouble isn't up for debate. He's my baby. He cries when I put on makeup because he knows that means I'm leaving.

Part of me wants to embrace this as a great possibility for me. I feel like I'm on the edge of a big "a-ha" moment where all of this - (meaning the back pain, job loss, etc) will suddenly make sense. I've definitely been able to look back over the other disappointments in my life - at some point down the road - and connect the dots.

So ... that's all that's going on here at the moment. Happy Friday! For real!

3 comments:

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covnitkepr1 said...

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BLAZER PROPHET said...

I have a couple of stepsons who we affectionately call "googs" as they are somewhat like Austin. Like you, I learned that they often hear but don't listen to parents voices.

What I do is casually ask stray questions at various times and let it sink in.

But you're going to be an empty nester. That can be hard. I hope you cope well. It can open up lots of possibilities.