My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Thursday, February 4, 2010

so very thankful thursday

Thankful Thursday is here and I’m thankful that Thursday is here! I’m so excited about this weekend! I’m excited about being involved in a helps based ministry. I’m excited about being able to use my gifts and talents to help others. I’m excited about being in a place geographically and demographically and emotionally and physically where I can be involved in my community – even my global community. It’s all very, very good. I am incredibly blessed. Truly, what satan means for our harm, God uses for our good. I could have remained crippled in a relationship that was destroying me, my family, my emotional stability, my confidence… but by the grace of God, I was set free. What was done “TO” me… ended up being done “FOR” me. To finally feel strong enough to know that I can reach out and help others mend their broken lives… it’s a huge milestone for me. God is good.

Last night our bible study leader was sick so she called and asked me to lead the class. I was woefully unprepared to tackle the lesson in depth, although I had quickly perused it and knew the gist of the study. There were only three of us so we joined in with the youth worship service… then when they dismissed to small group, we had our own small group and went over the lesson quickly and prayed together. It was nice. Again… hard to believe that I’m now in a place where people trust me to lead – teach – advise. How did that happen? Wasn’t I, just barely a year and a half ago, a defeated, depressed mess of a person? I was hopeless. It’s amazing how much investing a little hope into someone’s life can turn things around.

And not to gloat… but here I am in this wonderful place of peace and prosperity - yes, prosperity… it’s not only about money… it’s about having a life that is rich in friends, in job satisfaction, in being loved and being able to love back unconditionally, in seeing results for the efforts I poured into the lives of my children… People are glad to see me coming. I am greeted like a rock star by my nieces and adopted nieces… I am hugged and loved and enjoyed and cherished. And the woman he chose? Well, she’s still mired in a bitter court case – still trying to keep her children from having contact with their incredibly devoted and loving father – maybe she’s happy. Some people thrive on conflict. Personally… I’ll take my insulated life in the mountains over constant conflict and… well, she didn’t exactly score a prize with my sloppy seconds.

There is a possibility that I may be traveling to Jacksonville to testify in their ongoing legal drama. I don’t wanna. Yet, the things that are happening are just wrong… Dean is being baited and then vilified when he responds. He’s angry, no doubt about it. He’s tons more bitter than I ever was and it’s not getting any better but… she’s also still playing games with him, controlling him, interfering with his ability to see his children, dragging him back to court for every $5 she doesn’t get from him. She has zero compassion for this man whose life she destroyed or even for her children – who love their father very much. I guess that makes her a perfect match for Michael. I wasn’t even allowed to use the word compassion.

Although Florida is a shared custody state, she refuses to allow Dean to have the children – even when she’s working – and they are in daycare. How in the world is it better for children to be in daycare instead of with their father? Can I just tell you how much I would have loved for my kids’ dad to pick them up from daycare every now and then? Or to have done anything with them. He wouldn’t travel ten miles to see his kids. Dean is flying from Louisville to Jacksonville to see his kids every other week. She insists that she have the kids for Jewish holidays, even though they fall on Dean’s visitation time, even though the kids have never even been to temple – haven’t been raised Jewish, although their mother is Jewish. That’s how that woman was introduced to me – Michael said he hired two saleswomen – one was really hot and the other was Jewish. Such love.

One thing I know from ten years experience as a divorced mom – the kinder you are to your ex, the better father he can be. The better father your kids have, the better people your kids will grow to be. It’s about sacrifice. It’s about sometimes being around someone you don’t like. I let my ex live with us for quite some time because he was homeless. I hated having him there. It was awkward. He lived with my parents for a long time. Yet it was important for my kids to be able to know their dad and to have a relationship with him. He hasn’t been much of a father but we certainly supported his efforts any time he made an effort. I even called and thanked him last week for helping Cody renovate the house my parents bought. It made a huge difference in Cody’s life and I think those efforts should be validated. This woman is too blind to realize that by hurting her ex-husband, she’s hurting her kids.

So if I need to go and share what I know… I will. I can’t afford it. But I will do it. And I’m grateful to be strong enough to do it.

Having lunch with Sarabeth again today. I’m going to run thru Zaxby’s and get her a kid’s meal. Stasha is going too. I’m planning on a small salad and maybe grilled chicken for me. No sense blowing it on some lame Thursday lunch. Plus… I’m not sure what my meal options will be this weekend. I’m riding with someone else (which removes a lot of the logistical stress from me) so I’ll be kinda at their mercy. They’re doing a continental breakfast for us on Saturday – which usually translates into bagels, donuts and other bread. I don’t know what the set up will be. I’m taking almonds and fruit with me… so if nothing else, I have that option.

Yesterday for dinner at church we had chicken pot pie, cranberry sauce and salad. The portion they give is really small. Well… the portion they give me. I noticed my brother got a whole bunch more. I think the cooking ladies like him better. Or maybe they want to help me lose weight. At any rate… they had good olive oil and vinegar so I was able to use that for dressing – which saves calories. I skipped dessert and had unsweetened tea. I did, however, eat a bunch of runts last night. Ugh for the sugar!

Breakfast this morning was blackened salmon. It’s what I wanted. I was running late so I didn’t have time for a veggie. I’ll have some red grapes here in a minute. Lunch will be early - since I’m eating with Sarabeth – so snack will be greek yogurt and fruit.

This is long enough for now… praying you all have a beautiful Thursday!

2 comments:

Missie said...

Have a good day!

Pop said...

Perhaps the life lessons you have gained were given to prepare you to lead other women to a more spiritual walk? Perhaps some of the heartache you have felt will enable you to soothe someone else's heartache? Remember that all things work together for GOOD for those who are called to His purpose... Listen to the call.