my reason to love Monday this week...

Worst back pain yet. Muscle spasms that won't stop. I'm over it. I know you're tired of hearing about it. It's just my new reality... like being single... I'll get used to it. The numbness in my feet is worse. I'll confess... I'm discouraged. I thought that once I got to the Pain Clinic, that they would be able to resolve this. I'm no better than I was a week ago. Definitely dreading a long day at work and the pain it's sure to bring.

More from The Shack to start our week... a little background... The Shack is about a man whose family has suffered a Great Sadness that turned their world upside down. The central character, Mack, is drawn to the scene of this Great Sadness and when he gets there... he finds himself face to face with the Trinity - Father, Son and Holy Spirit. All three are in human form allowing him to have very real conversations with them and get to the bottom of his Great Sadness.


This is an excerpt - a conversation between Jesus and Mack.


"so why don't you fix it," Mack asked, munching on his sandwich, "the earth, I mean."
"because we gave it to you"

"can't you take it back?"
"of course we could but then the story would end before it was consummated"

Mack gave Jesus a blank look.

"have you ever noticed that even though you call me Lord and King, I've never really acted in that capacity with you? I've never taken control of your choices or forced you to do anything, even when what you were about to do was destructive or hurtful to yourself and others"

Mack looked back at the lake before responding.

"I would have preferred that you did take control at times. It would have saved me and the people I care about a lot of pain"
"To force my will on you," Jesus replied, "is exactly what LOVE does not do. Genuine relationships are marked by submission even when your choices are not helpful or healthy.... submission is not about authority; it is all about relationships of love and respect."


NOW... this book is, of course, fictional and Jesus and Mack didn't REALLY have this conversation but.. I can imagine such a conversation taking place. My viewpoint is that I do serve a living God and that he walked among us here on earth in human form so it's not outside the realm of possibility to have a face to face conversation with him. I believe the disciples did. BUT... more than anything, I believe it could happen because I do believe that our relationship with Christ is built on love and respect and choice. Also, I believe that my relationship with God is built on grace, mercy and forgiveness. I would have preferred to never have made a mistake (I'm a bit of a perfectionist)... but I know that so many of the wrong decisions/mistakes I have made over the course of my life have served to make me a stronger person *in spite of myself*. AND... there is no greater security in a relationship than knowing you can mess up and still be loved.

I always try to approach things on my blog from my position of faith yet also respecting those who have different beliefs, who maybe don't feel as strongly as I do about there being one God, one path to eternal salvation. I'm not a great evangelist. I wasn't gifted that way. My responsibility - my purpose - my "mission", if you will, is to tell my story in my way as best I can. So I will tell you this: I talk to God... just like Mack talked to Jesus... I have those same conversations. And I'm willing to risk being accused of talking to myself or having an imaginary friend because I know that when I talk to Him, I feel better. I feel comforted. I find my path. I find mercy and grace and forgiveness. I even find healing (although you wouldn't know it from the past two months).... but I do find it. I don't mind praying out loud in a group because I talk to Him so much, it comes naturally for me.



Having said that... my heart is heavy for a few ladies in my life who are in transition, who are making big decisions, who are feeling overwhelmed and under prepared... God's divine design meant that we were created to need someone to stand in the gap for us... a strong shoulder to lean on... and there are those of us who by chance or happenstance ended up without that big, strong man to lean on. Here's what I do: I talk to God. I tell Him what I need. It's not news to Him, of course, but I believe that He waits until I ask for help... in the same way that I don't intervene in Ryan's life or Cody's life now that they are grown and independent. I mind my own business. I stay out of the way. I respect their ability to handle their own problems until they call and say, "Mommy... can you help?" and I do whatever is in my power and resources for them. Until they ask for help, I'm just interfering. My Abba Father does the same thing... He watches and waits until I'm in a place of humility... until I look up and say, "Father, God, I need you..."

I don't believe it's by accident that God has brought several women into my life who are in similar circumstances to my own. I don't believe it's coincidence that God has made me uniquely able to relate to their special challenges. The world sometimes seems to be divided between the Haves and the Have Nots as far as a life partner is concerned... and I am painfully aware of how difficult the journey can be for those who are in the Have Not camp. Just know, sweet sisters, that I am praying for you... and you... and yes, you too, and I believe that the Creator of the Universe is deeply concerned with you. I believe that He knows your heartache, He knows the loneliness, the fear, the frustration... He knows how your heart breaks for your children, He knows the limits of your budget, He knows the physical pain and emotional pain that you are suffering.

All of us have some Great Sadness in our lives... and all of us have the opportunity to go to The Shack and meet with the Great Healer who can ease the pain from that Great Sadness.

That's my reason to love Monday this week.
Time to glam and dash. Please pray for me... love and hugs!