My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

three topics that all lead to a fourth... newsday tuesday

Topic #1: What does love look like?
Stasha's boyfriend, A.J. posed the question on facebook... and it made me realize that love looks a lot different to me now than it did when I was 20 years younger.
Love stays. Love goes the distance. It isn't as pretty as I thought it was all those years ago.
Love is dirty diapers and spit up. It's sitting up with a sick child at night. It's waiting up for a wandering child. It's praying for a wayward child.
Love is cleaning up the kitchen for a sick wife. It's a lack of judgement. It's not a belief that everything they do is perfect... it's loving them despite the knowledge that they are very imperfect.
When I would tell Darby I loved him... most of the time he would respond with, "you don't know what love is"... I spent two and a half years trying to prove that I did... and in the end, I realized that I knew... and he didn't.
Love is sacrifice... quiet sacrifice...
I thought I understood love... because I had romance... but then, the first time they placed my newborn son in my arms... I realized what love was.

Topic #2 The mistakes Charlie Sheen is making that we all make... in one way or another. I've been watching Charlie Sheen's "I am not an addict" press tour with disgust and sadness. He just doesn't get it. He's messing up his own life... breaking his father's heart... keeping dozens of people out of work... failing as a father and role model... and he's so rebellious and defiant about it. Yesterday as I was seething with disgust... listening to his foolish words... I heard myself saying those same words and I was humbled... tell me that you haven't at some time in your life done some or all of the following:
defied the counsel of people who were wiser than you...
stubbornly persisted on a path that was harmful to yourself and others...
delighted in your rebellion...
celebrated your independence...
blamed everyone but yourself for your disappointments...
looked for people to validate your deceptive point of view...
used money/power/influence to get your way...
For all have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God. I'm listening to Charlie with renewed interest and searching my own heart for those same sentiments. My failures may not be cocaine and sex filled partying... but they are still there... and they still prevent me from being all that I could be.

Topic #3 Birthdays... my Auggie Doodle is 17 today. It feels like he should be turning 34... it has been such a long, lonely journey with him. I have stood by his side through Poop Picasso's, broken windows, accusations (both false and true), failures, abuse, disappointment, discouragement... I have watched his precious heart give away his bicycle to a man who needed a way to get to work... I have watched him generously prepare food for his friends... I have watched him love in a capacity that far surpassed what *I thought* he was able to do. He is devout, stubborn, persistent, unwaivering. He is the one who has stayed by my side when everyone else in the world walked away. He is my greatest challenge and also my greatest blessing.

Today is also the birthday of my friend Amy. I met Amy when we lived in Woodstock. She ran a little mortgage company that shared office space with our State Farm office. She was ... quirky... witty... goofy... she can always make me laugh. We share some of the best private jokes of my lifetime. She stood by me during a very uncertain and unstable time in my life... and when the wheels came off the apple cart, she was there to help me put the apples back in. When I left Michael and had to rebuild a life here with nothing but my cast iron skillet, my bible and my clothes... she gave me the entire inventory of her mama's kitchen. Her mom had passed away a few months before and Amy had mama's kitchen boxed up and in her garage... she unselfishly gave me everything... hundreds of dollars of dishes, pots and pans.... Happy birthday, Vicky Lynn! Come up and see me!

I don't know how much store I put in the whole astrological thing... but it's ironic to me that two of the most precious people in my life, the two Amys that I have worked with... have birthdays on the same days as two of my kids... Amy from Bruce's office shares a birthday with Ryan, and Amy from Holly Springs shares a birthday with Austin. Maybe it's just coincidence...

Anyways... Topic #4.... the pain never let up last night.... muscle spasms kept waking me up during the night. I'm tired. I'm struggling... but I'm also determined. Yesterday was a really intense day at work. I was working on a lot of labor intensive projects and there were a lot of interruptions, system problems, aggravations... and yet... I left work thinking, "this was a good day". Sometimes... every once in awhile... we find the ability to rise above our circumstances... and it is a greater sense of accomplishment than closing a huge deal... it is the triumph of the human spirit... the presence of the Holy Spirit... the courage to press on even when the road gets tough... this, dear, A.J. is what love looks like... this, my friends is the lesson learned through Charlie Sheen, this is what makes birthdays so precious... knowing that we have persevered another day... another season in life... another year.

My prayer for you today is that you find the strength to rise above your circumstances. Love and hugs.

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