transparency...

Transparency carries a price but it also brings great rewards.

I guess... maybe some people see me as a constant stream of TMI.

But for everyone who judges what I write... there are five people who contact me to say, "thank you for saying that"...

I just feel like the church has become a masquerade ball. We get up on Sunday morning and put on our best clothes and our masks. We go into the sanctuary and smile and respond "great" to everyone who asks, "how are you?"... and sometimes we are "great"... and sometimes we're in the midst of despair but don't want to risk removing the mask long enough to let people see the hurt we're hiding. We don't dare be vulnerable enough to honestly say, "I'm struggling... " or "I feel like God doesn't care"... or "I'm paying for past mistakes and the price is higher than I could have ever imagined".

Those masks may protect us from the judgement we fear, but they also prevent us from receiving - or being - a blessing.

My blog is an MRI of sorts... it's a slow, noisy, sometimes agonizing process of revealing the truth that lurks deep within me. Some of you may want to look away rather than see the gory inner parts. But there are people out there who say, "That's what I look like on the inside too! I'm glad I'm not alone".... and so, for those people, I continue to remove the outer layers and allow you to see what's underneath.

It's amazing to me how many people email me or text me or message me on facebook and say, "Me too"...

For just as all have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God... all have suffered in one way or another because of the choices they've made in life.

Every happy marriage has pockets of disappointment.

Every successful career involves sacrifices that hurt someone.

Every relationship involves a certain amount of vulnerability.

As long as we live, by the grace of God, we will know pain... whether it's physical or emotional... whether we ourselves hurt or we bear witness to hurt in the lives of people we love.

And as long as we live, we have the opportunity to use that pain for our good and His glory.

I can't ever come here and say, "It's all good"... I fought with my kid yesterday and I'm having muscle spasms that make it impossible to be comfortable in any position... I worry if I'll run out of money before the next payday and I miss my Bitty Kitty.

I can't say "It's all good" but I can say, "It is well"... I have this amazing confidence that comes from time after time of trial where God has blessed and sent people to stand in the gap for me. I know that I'm never alone. I know that these trials are making me into the woman God called me to be. I know that every heartache is a lesson, an opportunity.

Charlie Sheen may have tiger blood flowing through his veins but I am covered by the shed blood of Jesus and everything in my life falls under his authority. No weapon formed against me can prosper... whether it be pain or discouragement or fear... it's all covered in His blood.

And I'll once again give you the disclaimer: if I get to the end of my life and find out that nothing I believed in was true, I will have still lived a better life WITH Him than I ever could have found without Him.

So... I'll continue to peel back the layers and let you see the ugliness underneath... and let God do with that transparency, whatever He needs to.