Not much time... in so many ways....

update: When I wrote this entry I didn't realize how close Austin is to this child who passed away. This boy was Austin's friend. He had been in our home... playing video games... hanging out... part of Austin's circle of friends... someone Austin had ridden with... and almost - could have - been with last night. Austin wanted to go hang out with his friends last night so he could spark with a young lady he's interested in. My back was hurting and my blood pressure was up and I didn't feel like carting Austin in to town and waiting up for him. So I told him no. He argued and begged and pleaded and I still said no. By the grace of God... no.

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Not much time to blog today... Austin was up early... slightly discombobulated... slightly emotional. The kid who sits in front of him in math class died last night in a car accident. It seems that every year, every graduating class has some tragedy. No matter where you are... there's always that ONE kid whose life ends far too soon. And although I didn't know this kid... I know that in my county there's a mama who has gone from paying for a cap and gown... to paying for a funeral... in a very short period of time and that. breaks. my. heart.

I've been the mean mom. I've kept Austin from driving. Most kids by his age have had a drivers license for two years and have been driving for three. Not my boy. I know him too well. He wasn't ready. He's barely ready now and I'm planning to sacrifice a week's grocery bill to pay for professional, behind the wheel training for him. It's that important to me that he knows what he's doing. He's got to start driving. The logistics of his NOT driving have gotten too complicated. There's not a school bus to take him to his post-graduation education or employment. My schedule is not flexible. We have to put him on the road very soon.

But. Oh. The fear the grips my heart. I prayed yesterday on my way home from work about his upcoming time behind the wheel and I guarantee that I will pray every time he sets off in a car alone. How I wish I had the kind of money to buy him a tank to drive so that if he misjudges a turn... misses a stop sign... veers off the road... he'll be safe. I just wanna wrap him in bubble wrap and set him on a shelf so that nothing can ever harm him.

Not much time to blog this morning. I'm driving him to school. Just a few more precious minutes with my baby boy. I'll buy him a chicken biscuit at Yonah Burger... have a chat with him... or let him talk... and I'll cry... because I always cry at crossroads... and from my vantage point, it looks like these next few months hold a lot of crossroads for us. The loss of a young life - of a kid I never knew - reminds me of how fragile life really is. It reminds my own kid of his own mortality. It's a harsh reality check... finding out you're not ten feet tall and bullet proof.

Love and hugs, y'all.