Thankful Thursday... thankful for compassion...

“[Praise to the God of All Comfort] Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NIV

I wasn't sure what to write about today... but that passage gives me a great springboard to bounce Tigger like into my day!

I went back to the doctor yesterday (the regular doctor) My blood pressure is headed in the wrong direction despite the second pill we added two weeks ago. My doctor told me yesterday that he's changing the name on my chart to "Trouble"... and we added a third blood pressure pill. AND ... I have to go back in two weeks. My blood pressure - after resting for thirty minutes - was 160/105.

NEXT week I go to the pain doctor - have to check in with them every two to three months... and to the dentist to have a root of a tooth removed... the tooth was pulled while I was in Jacksonville and there's been this piece that was left behind that has been giving me some trouble. I feel like doctor visits are my full time job and feel so discouraged that I have to continually be dealing with one. thing. after. another.

Yesterday I drew a little tiny Angel on my right hand... there's a young mom named Angel who is the friend of a friend... Angel just found out she has breast cancer. I wanted to remember her in prayer so I drew the Angel. The truth is... my medical issues are overwhelming and discouraging and frustrating BUT... cancer. Such a scary word... such a huge, life changing diagnosis in the life of a young family.

I got a facebook message last week about a former classmate (who graduated the year before me) who is battling kidney cancer. I got another facebook message about a local lady who is dealing with the same back problems that I am - only she doesn't have health insurance. A young boy who had a heart transplant as a tiny baby who is now battling serious kidney issues as a result of his anti-rejection drugs for his heart. And others... there's rarely a day that goes by without someone - somewhere - who is struggling with their health being brought to my attention. Why is that?

Well... honestly... I used to be a Mean Girl. Seriously. Starting with my first mother-in-law and her myriad of health problems that were her excuse for going on permanent disability in her forties... and being unable to carry out any commitments EVER. (which led her to marry the biggest loser there ever was but that's another story)... and then various people who I have worked with, been friends with, family members... I have always had such a nasty *eye rolling* reaction to those who have chronic or constant illness. I've always looked for ways to blame people for the affliction they've been afflicted with... you know, blame the obese person for their high blood pressure... blame the smoker for their bronchitis... considering people weak if they can't just build a bridge and GET OVER their problems.

That changed about 14 months ago. You know... about the time that I started with something that we thought was a kidney infection that was upgraded to kidney stone that ended up being a half dozen different diagnosis' that all contribute to almost constant pain. My life changed. My perspective changed. My vantage point is OH... SO... VERY... different. My heart changed... and now... when I know of anyone whose life is being turned upside down by a body that no longer works like it should... I pray in a very sincere and... maybe even... compassionate way... that I never had before.

Somethings, it turns out, are beyond our control. We build a false sense of independent security in our mortal bodies and abilities. I use the term, "ten feet tall and bullet proof"... and yet... sometimes... despite our greatest efforts.... our bodies fail us. There is a fear that grips my heart beyond anything I can properly articulate to you when you know that there is no cure... no way to reverse the damage that you - your circumstances - your choices in life... have done to your health. Sometimes, no matter how great your faith or trust in God, sometimes there is no healing.

There is, instead, sometimes, a change of heart. Lord, give me that change of heart... that compassion that can only come from walking a few painful miles in the shoes of struggle... so that I can look with tear filled eyes and an overflowing heart and with complete honesty say, "I know what you're going through"... and then, only by the Grace of God, comfort them.

I'm so thankful it's Thursday.