My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Monday, January 11, 2010

apple pie, ambien and Anthony Bourdain

I love apple pie.
I love Anthony Bourdain. His new season started tonight and I'm loving it.
I despise ambien.
But I took ambien tonight.
My divorce papers came in the mail today. It's officially over! I could literally feel the shackles coming off of me. Freedom never felt so good! And unlike my first divorce... I never ever have to see him, think of him, talk to him, or even acknowledge his existance for the rest of my life.
I'm getting my name changed... asap.
I'm done.
Time to move on.
His son (who lurks here often) unfriended me on Facebook - unhappy with the celebratory comments. I don't expect him to understand... and I know it can't be easy to realize how happy people are to have his father out of my life for good.
None of us wants to think of our parents as mere mortals. Or of our parents as persona non grata. I imagine it can't have been easy to have known what he knew (that his father was cheating on me) and known that I was on the edge of a breakdown... and then to know that everyone blamed his father... and still blame him...
But... it's my playground... and... if it had been up to me, I would still be working at finding a way to make my marriage work.
Or I would have died trying.
So... I'm at peace. I know I did what I could. And I know that God has so much in store for me. I know that He set me free... that He has a purpose for my life and testimony.
I did eat a piece of apple pie this evening, though. I felt like I needed a little celebration. I couldn't finish it. That made me feel very in control.
And then felt jazzed and wide awake so I took an ambien.
Well... I made it five days... the next time it will be six or ten or ... forever.
I'm making big ole giant steps towards where I want to be.
I'm getting there.
I'm not who I want to be yet...
But thank God...
I'm free from being who I was.

7 comments:

mmmbrown625 said...

Heather ~ I am so thankful that you have survived the last four years. Joyful and happy and exuberant ~ if that's immature, then whatever. Immaturity comes with not accepting and being responsible for one's own actions, just like an adult child turning a blind eye to his father's misdeeds. I'm glad he un-friended you. I'm sure he can't be surprised that your friends would be happy for you, but that he would even comment in such a way . . . well, unfortunately, it sounds a lot like "like father, like son." Sweetie, as unshackled and free as you feel right now, I also know that you still hurt and still grive over what might have been. Love you and praying for you, girl.

mmmbrown625 said...

*grieve

Sorry, the misspelling fairy just bit me . . .

moshell's lilbit of space said...

I have been an unfriending person as of late too....and ya know...it's okay! Don't take it personal....and even though he is HIS son....the apple doesn't fall far.

I am glad
1. you are alive and "free" in the mountains
2. he is not
3. God is in the mountains :)
4. You are my accountability partner.
5. That I am alive in the hills.
6. God is in the hills :)

sheri said...

Heather, I know the freedom that you feel..
As I read your post, I thought of when I was still married to my abusive husband. Praying to God to please just let me have some peace in my life..Then came the divorce. I too would have done anything to make my marriage work.
Yes, I finally have peace in my life. Although I didn't want to find it thru divorce.
Then I thought of something that I had heard Dave Meyers say. "we have to learn to accept "how" God gives us what we ask for without question..It's taking time, but I know that God has a plan.
Sorry that I have rambled on..lol.
Have a good night,
Sheri

GReality said...

Heather...it's just such a shame you had to go through so much to get to this point in your life. I can only imagine the relief you feel. Stay strong, Stay focused.

GReality

Remo said...

Okay, I'll be Johnny Raincloud on the rainbows...

why the ambien? :(

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