My People

My People
My matched set of grandchildren - Oliver and Cosette

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

feeling bloggy

I’m feeling bloggy today. I keep thinking in blog entries… monologues… epiphanies…
This earthquake in Haiti has me – pardon the pun – shaken up. Natural disasters are the great equalizers. They compromise rich and poor alike. I have survived my relatively minor hardships because of the strength of my community – both local and global. What happens when an entire community is suffering at the same time? Who is there to help? It just really puts things in perspective for me. It made me feel rich, to be honest with you. When everything is stripped away from everyone, what is left? Faith. Hope. You can look at this type of catastrophe and see how little of our own destiny we really control. All the money in the world couldn’t hold up a building in that type of earthquake. The palaces collapsed right along with the shacks.
I went to sleep just fine without ambien last night. I had a hard time waking up this morning, though. Stubby was mad. He hovered over me like Stewie… “mama. Mama. Mama. Mama. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mommy. Mommy.” Meowing like he was losing another leg. He even got frustrated with me and stormed off, only to come back and start the whole nagging process again… nudging me with his head… licking my face… That cat KNOWS when it’s time for me to get up. I faked sleep and peeked out of one eye to see what he was doing… he was staring a hole through me, watching for any signs of life. He saw my eye open and pounced again. When I got out of bed and slipped into the recliner he gave up.
He was mad at us last night so he slept in the closet. It didn’t hurt my feelings any. Such a moody cat.
Have I mentioned that I’ve lost four pounds? I have to mention it because at my current size it takes a loss of about 25 pounds before anyone notices a difference.
I’m happy with my success so far. I’d be happy with a pound a week. The truth is that this is the most consistently I’ve been able to eat healthy ever. Ev-ER. I’m more happy about this whole discovery process and new relationship with food than I am with the scale right now. I mean… it needs to come off, without a doubt, but I don’t care what size I am if I don’t feel well. I want to feel good first… and I know that a healthy me will be able to achieve and sustain a healthy weight. So far, I’m feeling way better.
I’ve been keeping track of my weight loss by drawing stars on my bathroom mirror with silver sharpie. It wipes off easily. I am going to get the glass markers JUST IN CASE. But for now… this is working. It’s highly motivational to look up there and see that record. I need to set some sort of visual aid here at the office too. A chain of paper clips. Anything… just a visual reminder of progress.
Today is Barry’s birthday. He’s 46. Those of you who have been around for awhile know that he holds a special place in my heart… he was always good company for me, helped me with the kids, prayed for me, gave great advice… I miss having that every day contact with him. I miss curling up with him to watch football and CSI. But he’s too far away to come up here to watch tv with me in the evenings… I left him a facebook message which means he’ll see it in about a month. If there’s ever another Mr. Right… he’s going to have a lot of Bear’s qualities. Although, honestly, I’m thinking that I’m going to be Ms. I-Don’t-Need-A-Man for a very long time to come. Just soooo not my focus. Barry used to always talk to me about how you can’t heal from a broken relationship by starting a new relationship. The fact that I’ve been healing independently makes me feel soooo grown up!
Honestly, after being under such strict control for those few years, just doing anything of my own volition makes me happy. Although, I have to admit that it’s about time for “No-Shave-November” to end.
Well, time for me to focus. I’ve been answering phones all morning so this has been composed of little bursts of random thoughts. I’ve got a few new policies to quote so I’ve got to get my game face on. Love and hugs, happy Wednesday!


Anonymous said...

Heather ... you're in SUCH a better place than you were 4 year ago .... when you were trying to find control by doing aerobics in your trailer ... counting points ... and waiting for Barry's booty calls. I'm soooo happy for you ..... proud of you .... and just down-right ELATED!!

Love and Hugs ....