this too shall pass

Well… the computer has completely bit the dust. It still turns on but it won’t operate windows… so I’ve got to get windows reloaded and the virus removed. I’m not savvy enough to do it… so I’ll have to find someone who can or pay someone who can. It’s frustrating and aggravating and all that. I love my laptop… but more importantly… I love the social aspect of it. It’s upsetting to be back where I was a year ago. It’s upsetting to have to designate funds towards that when there are so many other bills that desperately need my attention.

I guess life is sort of a two steps forward, one step back proposition. The only constant in life is change. We know that nothing – except God – is eternal. Mountains will crumble and fall. The earth shakes and buildings give way. Our bodies are mortal and temporary. People die. Friends disappoint us. We disappoint people. There is nothing that is certain. Cars break down. Prices go up. Our babies grow up. We can’t change that change will come… we can only control our response to these little difficulties and disappointments and frustrations. So… that’s what I’m doing… calmly accepting that this too, shall pass and that the loss of my great pleasure – temporarily – will not kill me.

One thing that concerns me – I had an old childhood friend who messaged me last night feeling very down and discouraged. I responded with what little wisdom I have gained through my own struggles – and offered to have her come to the mountains and spend some time with me. If she responds – I won’t know. And I don’t want her to think that I have turned my back on her. Again, the Lord has brought someone to me who is feeling hopeless… and here I am with this ring on the finger where my wedding rings once were… with one word always staring back at me – “HOPE” – and truly, I feel that my mission in life, my purpose, my ministry is to restore hope where hope has been lost…. Just as so many people in my life have given me hope when I thought it was forever lost.

My good friend Scott has a son, Brock, that is my oldest son’s age. Brock grew up with my kids… and there were many times when Scott was struggling through hard times that he and Brock became part of our household. He was one of my babies – just like Joshy and Joey and Dax and Kristin and the other young people who passed through our lives on their way to immortality. Brock got into some trouble – speeding tickets, minor fender benders – that sort of thing – and lost his drivers license. He – being a stubborn teenager – drove anyways – and was involved in an accident where he lost control of his car and it flipped several times. The young lady in the car with him was killed. He was convicted of vehicular homicide, in part because of his prior driving violations and because he was driving on a suspended license. Brock was sentenced to 8 years but is about to be released on parole in a few weeks – after serving a little over 4 years. Scott was talking to him over the past weekend and Brock talked about the time they spent with us… hopefully during that time we gave him some stability in what was an otherwise fairly unstable childhood. I know that Scott and I have provided encouragement for each other during many times of struggle and disappointment… we’ve seen each other through two failed marriages a piece. I’m excited for him that this heartbreaking time is over.

There – you had four whole paragraphs that weren’t about food. I realized yesterday that I’m posting my expected meals and then eating something completely different – not unhealthy, just different. For instance… lunch yesterday was the mixed veggies but I also really wanted some protein so I bought a grilled chicken sandwich from Burger King and got it completely plain – no sauce, nothing- and threw away the bun. I cut the chicken up in my veggies and it was really good. For dinner I didn’t have oatmeal – I had a microwave meal. Not *quite* as healthy but not unhealthy. I had the munchies, though, and had a bowl of raisin bran and some wasabi almonds later. This morning I had the oatmeal and I put in ground flax seed with it. Flax seed is high in the omega 3 fatty acids – like what’s in salmon – and is important for metabolism – and high in fiber.

I went grocery shopping after work yesterday with an eye on spending… I bought mostly produce and lean meats. My total was $123 – but this included salmon, tilapia, ground turkey, a big bag of frozen chicken breasts – lots of produce. I bought some light frozen meals as Austin will eat those for snack. I had some coupons and saved about $5. Not a huge amount but it can add up. This grocery trip needs to last us until February 1st – we have to portion carefully!

This morning I got up and my computer was completely down – bummer. I got on the scale and it was up – bummer. I know that it’s temporary – this too shall pass. I know that there is no way for me to eat the way I’m eating, to make the drastic changes in nutrition and NOT lose weight. In the past I would lose a few … float back up for a bit… then have a significant loss. I’m focusing on feeling better… and I AM feeling better.

Tonight is dinner at church – so whatever they serve is what I’ll have. For lunch I have a progresso soup and celery sticks with Laughing Cow cheese. Orange for snack.
Ok… time for work. Love and hugs.