My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

10 minute random stream of consciousness

been nauseated and having a sharp pain under my left breast all week. have googled "upper left quadrant pain" a thousand times. it keeps leading me to pancreatitis but that also would mean i would be much, much sicker. i'm functional. uncomfortable but functional. also... pancreatitis usually comes from people who abuse alcohol... I drink the equivalent of 4 glasses of wine a year.
i don't know.
i could go to the doctor but it would be entirely out of pocket for the first 2500 bucks and i'm just not THaT uncomfortable where i want to blow 2 1/2 grand to find out i have indigestion. because you know theyd run every known test in the world on me. or prescripe a dozen meds and i just don't want to go there.
if it persists, i will.
anyways... still on plan, very much on plan both with food and exercise. so very proud of that.
eating well. loving what i eat.
i think mel gibson is another in a long line of narcissistic men who believe they can get away with anything. there's a special place in hell for these men. you know who you are.
there is never a reason to tell a woman you're going to hit her in the head with a bat. or tell her she's stupid. or ugly. or crazy. because I can promise you that even if she's NOT crazy, being told that repeatedly will make her act that way. and YOU just might end up on the wrong side of the bat.
nor is there any reason to put a woman out on the side of the highway in a remote area in the dark. and that's what happened to me. well. it would have... but the kids in the back of the car who were forced to witness my abuse put up such a fuss that i was allowed to stay in the car.
so many things i have never really talked about.
but these lying, cheating, narcissistic men who keep hitting the news bring it all back. i suppose it will always be that way.
i can forgive but the memories linger.
it was truly a loss of innocence for me... to realize that such meanness even exists in the world.
what makes a person so mean?
bristol palin is making a huge mistake. levi is not the kind of man you marry. he will hurt her. poor girl. she doesn't get it yet.
although he is quite a looker... i don't see him as a loving husband or father.
tomorrow would have been our 3rd anniversary.
thank God it isn't. thank God i'm free. i wish i'd never met him... but i'm glad i learned the things i did and was able to use that horrible nightmare as a way to wake up here.
running out of time.
glad to be alive. glad to be where i am. nauseated or not.
bitty kitty is practicing flushing the toilet. he's fascinated with the mechanism. this is not good. i see a high water bill in my future.
to match the high power bill since austin turned our house into a meat locker last night.
but at least he's been home and fairly complicit this week.
8am. must dash. hugs.

2 comments:

266 said...

I have something for you on my blog!

M @ The Woes and Throes said...

I had pancretitis once...and I didn't drink at all. But I had gallstones that I had treated as an ulcer for several years...one day, a stone somehow worked it's way into a bile duct, and 8 days later, I got out of the hospital, and I have a nice 6 inch scar on my tummy to remind me of the stay. No insurance, either.
So...perhaps you have gallstones? These days that's a whole-yonder lot easier to take care of than it was when it happened to me.
I tell you about my bad situation so that you won't put off going to the doctor, as I did. Had I not, I wouldn't have been knocking on deaths door, (The doctor said I would not have survived one more day) and had to be on IV antibiotics for three days before they could do surgery on me.
Just a thought. Go to the doctor.