My People

My People
My People - Cosette, Austin, Oliver, Cody, me & Ryan. Just think, had I not lived, these people wouldn't be on the planet. They are my whole heart!

Monday, February 23, 2009

blah! it's Monday!

I'm still in a place of wanting to be quiet. Makes it sorta hard to do the things I do in the course of a day, you know? I sorta HAVE to talk... but in a way, it insulates me from having to think about the things I have to think about.

My brother David and his wife Katherine are having another baby. This one is due in September, i think. Madeleine was born in November of 2007 and I still haven't met her. There was something that happened that caused a split and although David was always such a dear part of my life... I haven't been able to see him or his kids since summer of 2007. It broke my heart then... it breaks my heart every time I see pictures of his kids... it breaks my heart every holiday that we spend apart... it breaks my heart to have a niece I've never met... this is one of those Serenity Prayer things... you know, "God help me to accept the things I cannot change". I just pray daily for God to provide for them, to send people into their lives to do the things that Aunt Heather would do, to take allow truth to be a light so bright that our eyes are blinded by it...

In my Breaking Free Bible Study I'm on the chapter about Healing from Betrayal... I've spent two weeks working around this chapter. It's so hard... I've got some good stuff that I've gleaned from it that I'll share later (it's in the car and it's 20 degrees outside and I need to start getting ready for work).

I've decided that I'm not going to see Crunch n Munch any more. He knows this already... I just sort of pieced together that he has a really good relationship with his son's mother (who he is still married to) and although they have lived separately for quite a long time, I believe that if they can get along well enough to hang out together... they could potentially be reunited... and should be reunited for the sake of their child. I promise you this, if there was any way that Michael and I could figure out a way to work things out, I think we would have to give it a shot. I believe so strongly in the covenant of marriage.

I also figured out during my bible study last night that as heartbreaking as it was for me to find out Michael was unfaithful, in a way it set me free. I believe that the only biblical grounds for a divorce are either adultery - or if you're married to a nonbeliever who chooses to walk away. Some might say that I had both... but I know that Michael has faith in God. His faith is different from mine, more works based than grace based and more focused on religion than relationship but he does believe in God. I would have a hard time basing our divorce on that. Because our grounds (at least morally and spiritually, if not legally) are adultery, that frees me to marry again someday. And I really do hope and pray that at some point there IS someone else for me. Someone who is truly available, Godly, able to support me in my beliefs and encourage me to be a better person...

ok... have to get ready for work now... hope you all have a beautiful Monday.
love and hugs!

8 comments:

Myra said...

I kinda figured thats what it was...what you didn't want to do, yet He kept telling you you must. You are still healing...whatever His plan is for you, only He knows. You know it and believe it. Doesn't make the nights any shorter, nor the lonliness feel any less...but its true. Take care...

sheri said...

It's always a shame when families can't be together, whatever the reason. I hope that someday you and your brother can find your way back to each other.
Sheri

*Tracy* said...

i hope you have a good week. sorry it didnt work out with crunch n munch! hugs

Big Mark 243 said...

We live and we learn. You take what you can from what has happened.

You have taken more steps from the hurt and are steadily moving into the light. Potentially have avoided something that could have caused trouble, and you can still look forward to and expect the good to come your way.

Be well, sugar.

Tina said...

I had my own CnM, who was getting his own divorce. I walked away to. Not as quickly as you did, and as I should have, but because he was also seeing an 18 year old girl. NOT GOOD for the ol' moral. and basically, he had lied about everything he was and all that. So I got burned twice. which is why I don't date right now. For some reason I pick the same kind of guys. I need to get that fixed first. lol
have a great day
tina

rwdrake said...

Oy. I wish to tread lightly here.

You Wrote: "I also figured out during my bible study last night that as heartbreaking as it was for me to find out Michael was unfaithful, in a way it set me free. I believe that the only biblical grounds for a divorce are either adultery - or if you're married to a nonbeliever who chooses to walk away. Some might say that I had both... but I know that Michael has faith in God. His faith is different from mine, more works based than grace based and more focused on religion than relationship but he does believe in God. I would have a hard time basing our divorce on that. Because our grounds (at least morally and spiritually, if not legally) are adultery, that frees me to marry again someday. And I really do hope and pray that at some point there IS someone else for me. "

Please know that I respect your beliefs and if you feel strongly about this, I will support you.

I would, however, like you to consider some additions to your list which bear directly on your case and have legitimacy in your faith tradition.

I think you said that in terms your beliefs, Torah law, in absence of direct new testament contradiction holds sway. Am I accurate here?

If so, please consider that under those conditions, spousal abuse is grounds for divorce. this can mean both physical or verbal abuse. Additionally if one spouse takes actions to isolate the other from their community, that is grounds for divorce.

There is another issue here worth considering as well, and that is forgiveness.

I and nearly everyone else I have met are pretty darn imperfect. We all make mistakes, and sadly, even do bad things that are more than mistakes.

There is a concept that says before you can ask for divine forgiveness you must personally confront those whom you have wronged and earn their forgiveness.

Whereas it seems from where I type that you have been wronged and you both have not found a way into discussing true forgiveness, divorce represents a divine fissure here.

If I am off base for you here, I am truly humbly sorry. I however, desperately want you to be able to look at your self with honor and confidence in the mirror and know you are entitled to make decisions for your own benefit.

If you are to be a divine instrument, aren't you best off putting yourself in a position where you might thrive?

Jeanne said...

WOW.....

You have come a long way Heather. The fact that you have said good-bye to CnM...and the reasons you did....just shows how really far you HAVE come. You are doing what is best for you in the long run...and not just something to occupy you for the moment. BRAVO!!!

((hugs))
Jeanne

Peaceful Epiphany said...

I second Jeanne's sentiments.
Bravo times two.
Hugs,
Jen